# Advice - personal situation (Not too personal tho)



## Lex's Guardian (Aug 8, 2009)

So I have this friend I've known since middle school. He was my best friend in times of need when I got kicked out of my house @ 16 & was 'truely' there for me. 

He was also my ex best girl friends on again off again boyfriend & had a kid together but have nothing to do with one another aside from the mutual relationship of having a kid. She was really dirty to him, made me keep secrets etc... He was just your average guy who liked skateboarding & video games... I seldomly get along with other girls because their too bossy, dramatic & not fun. I'm you're average tomboy who likes hanging with the guys, joking & p2p shooter games. Well when she found out he helped me out by letting me stay in his parents guest room until i got my situation sorted out. She flew off the handle & did away with our friendship... The one person I thought would step up if I needed anything - turned out I was wrong & was more self concerned. Let me rephrase - my parents were in a tough spot, temporarily homeless & we were all staying with a friend who hated me which is why I got kicked out. I was really embarrassed about my deal & felt awkward telling others but him because he'd been in the same scenario.

Well later down the road we all lost touch... Then about 2 years later, one day my ex bf (his old best friend) got him a job where we worked. I worked there a short while & found a job else where. But this old friend and I seem to find comfort in one another yet again... This time it blossomed into more than just a friendship but I got scared & backed off... On top of the fact the place he was living at started out cool then turned into 'the party house' it really was too much for me & stopped talking to all entirely.

I missed my old friends but felt the need to move forward - focused on school, my job & simply taking care of necessities... Got married to the love of my life. Well last Saturday as fate would have it, who do I run into but a third time again - my long lost buddy. He keeps inviting me to hang out, my husband's out of town & feel awkward about it. But his family's all there - so he says... At the same time I feel bad blowing him off cause he was such a good friend to me. I've invited him to other places but he's having personal troubles & a son to think about.

I don't want to rock any waves. But I care about friendship - what should I do.

BTW - I know this isn't 'ask suzie' kind of forum. But you guys on here are well rounded & trust your advice. If this violates any rules - please inform & removed.

Thanks


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## Maddog (Jun 11, 2008)

well, im glad you got away from bossy people & people who wanted to rule who u hang out with.

i guess he could make a move way back than.
ure married now, he missed a chance.

ask urself what are u really expecting from this friendship. also depends what he wants from u.

if its really a friendship ure looking for than id say go ahead if your husband would understand it and wouldnt mind.
if not ( both cases ), i dont know.. maybe better to just keep nice memories.

i dont suggest u hiding anything. never ends up good.

my friend is having a case she thought she'll just make her boyfriend jealous a bit & just wanted to have fun, 
ending up with a jealous lover who wants to be with her for good :facepalm


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## FloorCandy (Feb 19, 2009)

IMO it is always a BAD idea to "hang out" with exes. You dont want to give your husband the burden of worrying. Even if he says he's fine with it, it might bug him later. If you feel like you are missing something socially, make new friends, or reconnect with ones you were never romantic with. The fact that you said "so he says" about the fam being there leads me to believe you doubt his intentions, so trust your guts and say no and move on. Always move forward, not back.


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## PeanutsMommy (Sep 21, 2008)

i agree with maddog. 
you are married now to you say the love of your life. i would explain that to him. also if you do want to hang out first talk with your husband see how he feels about it.


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## Maddog (Jun 11, 2008)

yea, if you'll do that, be sure to show strict borders to him.

if youre not completley sure hes gonna respect it, or if youre not sure youre not gonna respect those borders, than dont do it. 

but in any ways, be sure to ask your husand about it, 
if you know hes not gonna be ok with it, dont do it at all.
afterall he is your life partner. 

i guess better dissapointed friend than mad husband


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## meganc66 (Mar 6, 2009)

I don't really talk to many of my exes that were close to me or anything, so I'm not exactly sure how to tell you how to go about this situation, but if my fiance wanted to go hang out with a previously "close" friend that was also an ex-lover or whatever, i wouldn't be cool if there was anything more than a one time lunch or something, but i guess i'm just jealous like that.

i care more about my relationship with my fiance than a relationship with a friend that i lost touch with, jmo.


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## Maddog (Jun 11, 2008)

FloorCandy said:


> Always move forward, not back.


:goodpost::clap:


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## Lex's Guardian (Aug 8, 2009)

Thanks for your input guys! 

And yes, thank goodness for losing the bossy bullies!

I've been avoiding him because my husband's working out of town & I respect my husband enough not to hang out with another guy (especially one he's never met him) - I put myself in his shoes on how I'd feel if he were hanging out with another girl, unless it was one of our mutual friends... Just seems off. I'm open & honest with Sean about everything telling him more than one should lol 

He's fully aware of me running into my old friend & is cool with it. I'm the one at odds with myself, I talked to Sean well before bringing it up on here. But he's busy working so can't really listen at the moment.

But with my buddy, I feel there's unfinished business since I never really told my friend how I appreciated him being there for me & that I see him as a good person & a good friend. I'd feel if I got to introduce them to one another, I think my husband would be a good impact on him & Sean needs a guy friend - most our friends moved out of town :/
But I haven't seen him in quite awhile, don't really know how much he's changed or what's on his agenda - not that I get a hidden agenda vibe. But you never know judging based on past experiences. 

He's that guy everyone in the town knows & trash talks because he made a public boo boo once or twice - but is really a decent person despite everything.

I'm a good girl that just really wants to help others & feel forever in debt to those who've been there for me in the rough times. Kind of an introvert, it's hard for me to just go out & make new friends being I'm naturally shy.

P.S - he's not an Ex by no means. My old best friend

Pps - he's also fully aware I'm married, he knew before i told him - that's the grape vine for ya 
But is still wanting to hang out... Which makes me analyze the situation - as to why he wants to hang out? I can't really wrap my head around it?


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## Maddog (Jun 11, 2008)

awwwww, i think ure very sweet person.

well.. just my oppinion, go out of your town, on a coffee or something, 
but stay in public, just to be sure old feelings ( u kno what i mean ) dont come out, if there was any..

maybe would be nice if after that you introduce him to ur husband & idk, go on a drink together, dont bring him home straight away, your husband might not feel ok bout it, ya know.. something like braking into his teritorry or something
just as i said first come totally clear with yourself what you want from this friendship.


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## Lex's Guardian (Aug 8, 2009)

Maddog said:


> awwwww, i think ure very sweet person.
> 
> well.. just my oppinion, go out of your town, on a coffee or something,
> but stay in public, just to be sure old feelings ( u kno what i mean ) dont come out, if there was any..
> ...


Thanks!

Great advice about a coffee outing  - though it makes me miss NE coffee shops now lol.

I'm not sure what you mean by friendship clarification?


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## Maddog (Jun 11, 2008)

emmmm, clarification? what do u mean?


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## Lex's Guardian (Aug 8, 2009)

Maddog said:


> emmmm, clarification? what do u mean?


Not sure?  lol nm then

btw just saw your post about your boy  :hug: how long ago'd that happen


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## Maddog (Jun 11, 2008)

Lex's Guardian said:


> Not sure?  lol nm then
> 
> btw just saw your post about your boy  :hug: how long ago'd that happen


happened on thursday, at about 7 p.m. we found him at 1 a.m.
and we put him to sleep on friday, after the x-ray results showed up....


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## Maddog (Jun 11, 2008)

Lex's Guardian said:


> Not sure?  lol nm then


i just dunno what u meant by clarification :roll:


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## Lex's Guardian (Aug 8, 2009)

Maddog said:


> i just dunno what u meant by clarification :roll:


I was responding to what you said & confused by lol



Maddog said:


> just as i said first come totally clear with yourself what you want from this friendship


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## Maddog (Jun 11, 2008)

lol, oh, yes, i was totally confused  

i meant that become clear with urself, if there is a slight chance u might become to like him, or to think bout him in any other way that a friend.. dont do it. 
i think u have awesome husband 
so better try to go 3some ( :roll:friendship, of course ), to try and go on picnic together or so, than throw away what ya have


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## Lex's Guardian (Aug 8, 2009)

Maddog said:


> lol, oh, yes, i was totally confused
> 
> i meant that become clear with urself, if there is a slight chance u might become to like him, or to think bout him in any other way that a friend.. dont do it.
> i think u have awesome husband
> so better try to go 3some ( :roll:friendship, of course ), to try and go on picnic together or so, than throw away what ya have


Oh okay - I for sure only have eyes for my hubby - my hearts wrapped around his 

I think I have an awesome hubby too


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## Maddog (Jun 11, 2008)

cool, than i see no problem in reunion of ur friendship.

but well, beware also of what that guy is planning lol.


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## Lex's Guardian (Aug 8, 2009)

Maddog said:


> cool, than i see no problem in reunion of ur friendship.
> 
> but well, beware also of what that guy is planning lol.


Fair enough warning... I'm going to give myself more time to think & talk it over with Sean.


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## Maddog (Jun 11, 2008)

yea. 

cause as i said.. my friend ends up with totally jealous lover ( ok, in your case is different, but still ).. also she didnt thought he will react this way.
u never know bout the others. 

good luck


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## George (Feb 25, 2009)

You must follow your hart.


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