# would you choose your dog over your spouse?



## r0ckah0l1c (Jan 18, 2011)

To make a long story short...my in-laws chicken ran at my dogs, Leo killed it, and now they say we have to get rid of him. I packed up all of my things and was ready to move out in order to keep my dog...but I don't know if its worth getting a divorce from my husband? My dogs are like my kids and I love them dearly...and I really can not find a right answer in this equation... if I leave with both dogs ill be miserable leaving my husband...but if I stay and get rid of Leo I will be miserable and forever hate my in-laws... :'( I just need advice because I'm completely lost and of course all of my family is saying "its just a dog". Only my friends understand that they're like family...


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## EL CUCO (Jul 25, 2011)

I'm sure he loves you. So hopefully he will try to understand your passion for your dogs. Both of you might have to move out.

My wife never wanted a dog...much less a pit bull and I'm just about to get my second one lol 

She knows I love em! Good luck God bless u guys


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## r0ckah0l1c (Jan 18, 2011)

He basically told me that both of us moving out together wasn't an option...


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## Blue_Nose_Bella (Jan 16, 2011)

Your dog killed a chicken.....big deal. Do they not know what prey drive is??? My girl killed a squirrel. I'm sure if Leo killed a wild animal and not a precious chicken that belonged to family they could have cared less! Stop letting people push you around. I'm a dominant female so I wouldn't let anyone tell me to get rid of my dog for doing what was normal. Stick up for him and yourself.....running from problems never solves anything. Personally, I would ditch my husband before my dog. Afterall, dogs are far more loyal  Plus, if I remember correctly you have been having issues with your S.O. for awhile now over the dogs especially Leo..... and your husband has threatened to get rid of him before. Sounds like this is just another reason to get rid of him.


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## Aireal (Jul 2, 2010)

As bnb said id stick up for my dog and if that failed I'd most certainly choose my dog over any man that wouldn't be by your side. isn't worth it to begin with!


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## MISSAPBT (May 10, 2009)

I nearly did, he thought I was bluffing about leaving. He swore we had to get rid of the dogs. As a newborn and 3 dogs are too much. Pffftt 'your not the one looking after them all, I am' I'm capable and looking after OH aswell ontop of the dogs and kid.


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## Sadie (Jun 18, 2008)

MISSAPBT said:


> I nearly did, he thought I was bluffing about leaving. He swore we had to get rid of the dogs. As a newborn and 3 dogs are too much. Pffftt 'your not the one looking after them all, I am' I'm capable and looking after OH aswell ontop of the dogs and kid.


Did you have the baby yet?


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## ames (Jun 6, 2010)

I agree with the above, hell yeah I would chose my dog over my husband, but that's just because I hate being told what to do or else. I know some people love chickens like family, I say who cares, its just a chicken, lol, but can't you get them another one or put them behind a fence, make a coop so your dog cant get into. Or don't let your dog out without a leash so he cant get near where he isn't supposed to go. you should be able to find a way to make sure it does not happens again.


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## DueceAddicTed (Sep 28, 2009)

IF you are living in your inlaws home giving them up is obviously something you have no choice but to do. You have to do whats best for you in that kind of situation if you cannot find a way to resolve any issues they have with the dogs. Monitor them more closely or come to some sort of common ground on where they are allowed.

Myself I would leave with my dog there is no way on this green earth anyone would force me to give up my boy, and a spouse, boyfriend , family, whom ever would know this from day ONE!


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## MISSAPBT (May 10, 2009)

Sadie said:


> Did you have the baby yet?


Not yet, no signs either ARGGHHH. Im going to take the dogs for a long walk today see what happens. I think hes quite comfortable there


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## angelbaby (Feb 4, 2010)

I would never give my dogs up over anyone. Its your life though and you have to live with the consiquence so its up to you. They maybe were just very angry and talking when really upset sometimes things are said that arent always thought through. I would talk with them and maybe find some common ground and maybe work something out where you better contain your dog , get a dog run or crate when you arent out with him and use a leash perhaps. I know on our family farm if a dog kills a chicken thats it , it has the taste and will more often then not do it again and again. Our options on the farm is A. rehome to a city home B. shoot it. { farm dogs arent usually pitbulls due to the prey drive , and we dont usually have dog runs on the farm the dogs are there to work and help out , so a lil different situation then yours im guessing}


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## meganc66 (Mar 6, 2009)

I would possibly ask my in-laws to give the household a couple days to calm down from it, think out your options and see if there is anything you can do to live peacefully. Replace the chicken. Was anybody watching Leo when he killed the chicken? Don't let Leo out unattended. Keep him on leash. there is plenty of things that you can do that might put the in-laws at ease and you can still keep Leo. I don't like to think of things in ways of leave the hubby or get rid of Leo. Try to work things out before thinking about leaving the house


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## SMiGGs (Jul 6, 2011)

You have to compromise like any other relationship. You meet in the middle. 

From my stand point, you're at your in-laws, its not your place. Im sure from the in-laws point of view, i would be angry too. Especially, of an animal. You have to remember that not everyone in the world are dog/pitbull lovers. They could care less about a dog. Im sure there is much much more to the story than just a chicken being killed, the chicken can be replaced with another chicken. Here is the twist, what if this chicken ment to them alot just like your dog means alot to you.

It comes down to respect, and respecting each others property. When my dogs are trouble making chewing up others stuff, i make sure to replace whatever my dog broke, and make sure that next time it wont happen.

In this case it seems that your dog has been doing much more trouble making than just killing the chicken, or else it would have been overlooked as an accident

As for my opinion, If your husband cannot meet with you in the middle, then he is not worth it. Compromise is the key to a relationship.


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## Gimbler (Jan 29, 2010)

I'm not sure of all the circumstances, but the basic thing seems to be that you're living with your husband at his parents place. If it's their place they have a right to have pet chickens, squirrels, bunnies or whatever they want roaming around unmolested and if they say your dog can't live there - then your dog can't live there.

On the other hand, if your husband is less your husband and more of their child, and didn't want to leave with me and the dog he could stay there and suck his thumb for all I would care if I were in that situation.

You didn't say in this thread why you are living with them, but if you have the means to leave - and it sounds like you do - I don't know why you and your husband are even there.

I love my husband. He loves me. And he would never ask me to give up my dog. If he did - he wouldn't be the man I've always thought he was. So, yeah - I'd take my dog and not look back. But that's me - and my relationships are grounded in mutual respect.


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## r0ckah0l1c (Jan 18, 2011)

Actually there's not much more to the story. I had my dog on a 2 or 3 ft chain leash and kept moving him away from the chicken and the chicken kept running at the dogs. After a certain point there was no more I could do as the chicken ran at them too quickly for me to move. Usually I can just pop their jaw, but I think because the chicken had been attacked by a stray dog earlier in the week and was already half dying that Leos bite was the straw that broke the camels back in its death... and they didn't really care about the chicken it had some disease that they never care about treating...missing feathers and sores and such all over the body...


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## Chevys And Pitties (Jul 24, 2011)

I agree. If your husband would rather live with mommy and daddy then you should take the dogs and try to start a new life.

Now you don't necessarily have to get a divorce right away (in fact in NC you have to be separated for a year before you can), you can just separate and rub in his face how awesome it is to be out on your own and then maybe he will see the light of day and join you. And if not then its ultimately his loss, and he was destined to be a momma's boy.


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## Nizmo (Jan 15, 2009)

going out on the limb here...
No I would not get a divorce over my dogs. 
My child needs to grow up with a dad in his everyday life. And it will be his real dad not a step dad. My child will not call someone else daddy... IMO kids need both parents, not one or the other.
idk your circumstances for living with your inlaws, but like stated before its all about respect. their house their rules, plain and simple. If it were your house tell them to kick rocks.
I couldnt stand to live with my inlaws so that would never happen, we would get a divorce before even getting to that point. 
But your husband needs to meet you in the middle like everyone already said. marriage is all about compromise. 
Here's my deal; Either the dogs stay and you guys live with your inlaws, or you go and take the dog to your own place. BUT, im just going to throw this out there. in thiis day and age its hard to buy a house on one income, so finding an apartment with a pitbull isnt going to be easy. harder with multiple dogs...
you can always get another dog when the time is right, just make sure you place your dog responsibly. But if he's making this an excuse to get rid of all your dogs that would be problem of him not willing to compromise.


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## j/p (Sep 24, 2011)

*lol finaly some one feels the same as i do*

in all honesty i would i feel the same way my puppy is one of my kids and i also know that out of every one and everthing in this world my pup will be there for me threw thick and thin as long as i dont treat him badly and give lots of love to him (just my personal thoughts though)
:roll:


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## Nizmo (Jan 15, 2009)

so if your furry kid bit your other kid would you put him down?
i joke i joke...


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## KMdogs (Apr 22, 2011)

Fortunately i wouldn't have that problem but if i did i would leave. The fact that the dogs are being put in the middle and as "bait" for the relationship should sum up everything you need to know to make a decision. If i remember correctly this isn't the first time you've had trouble going on in the household, regardless of who started what there comes a point where you need decide whats best for you and whats best for the dogs.

I personally couldn't be with someone that isn't a dog person, my passion for dogs isn't something i'm just going to "give up" in order to be with someone.. Eventually it would just cause problems. Just as someone who has no desire to really want or care for a dog probably shouldn't be with someone who wants to always have a dog.. It just wouldn't work. Its possible to work out a "middle ground" in any relationship however when it comes to dogs (or other pets) they shouldn't be a part of that "middle ground".. At least not to a significant level where its either they stay or they dont. 

Its up to you on what you do, no one here can force you to make any decision however you need to look at your life as a whole, how healthy is this relationship? Do you honestly see this relationship long term or are you sticking around for ______ reason? Do whats right for you because in the end and especially in todays age, you really need to look after yourself first and foremost.. Unless kids are involved of course because they should always come first.. But you get the idea.

Also, im not sure if there are kids in situation or not but i actually disagree with Nizmo on the child factor, i do agree that kids do need their father and mother in their lives as frequent as possible.. Though if i a child is growing up along side of constant fighting, yelling, etc i don't really think its worth sticking around for.. Though every situation is going to be different so i can't really say i disagree with Nizmo completely.


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## Nizmo (Jan 15, 2009)

KMdogs said:


> Fortunately i wouldn't have that problem but if i did i would leave. The fact that the dogs are being put in the middle and as "bait" for the relationship should sum up everything you need to know to make a decision. If i remember correctly this isn't the first time you've had trouble going on in the household, regardless of who started what there comes a point where you need decide whats best for you and whats best for the dogs.
> 
> I personally couldn't be with someone that isn't a dog person, my passion for dogs isn't something i'm just going to "give up" in order to be with someone.. Eventually it would just cause problems. Just as someone who has no desire to really want or care for a dog probably shouldn't be with someone who wants to always have a dog.. It just wouldn't work. Its possible to work out a "middle ground" in any relationship however when it comes to dogs (or other pets) they shouldn't be a part of that "middle ground".. At least not to a significant level where its either they stay or they dont.
> 
> ...


yeah if there is constant argueing and fighting then you would be doing the child more harm staying together just for the sake of the child. everything gets more complicated when there are kids invloved. you can usually just pack up your dogs and move, not the same when that would be considered kid napping if a child was involved lol

if there are no kids involved and its gotten to this point, cut your losses. the problems will only get worse. which is why i never understood why people get back together with an ex. it obviously didnt work out the first time for a reason.

good post KM


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## r0ckah0l1c (Jan 18, 2011)

XD I just love when trevor posts because of ashy larry...


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## r0ckah0l1c (Jan 18, 2011)

Err.. I meant dave chapelle lol whenever I see him I think ashy larry


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## PerfectPit (Aug 2, 2010)

My situation is a little different. My husband knew my one dog had DA and was careless. When I returned home there was blood all over the place. One dog had 12 staples and the other (APBT) had numerous bite marks. My husband said we had to get rid of both dogs because it wasn't fair to choose which dog to keep so both had to go. My response was I will get rid of you first. When we chose to have dogs we made a committment to care for them until they went to the raibow bridge. We still have both dogs and a good marriage. I was willing to walk to save my dogs. He is now more dilligent when it comes to the dogs. 

You have to make a choice that you are willing to live with. First I would move out of my inlaws place if financially possible. I would find a way to contain the dog and teach it obiedence knowing they have prey drive. Is this just an excuse your husband/inlaws has to get rid of the dog? Are there other issues in the marriage and the dog is just a way to hurt you. These are some things you have to look at. Good luck.


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## American_Pit13 (Apr 23, 2007)

Yes I would choose my dogs and leave him behind..................My Husband loves animals thought so that would never be an issue for us.


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## pitbullmamanatl (Jun 1, 2010)

Um yeah that's why I'm not married


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## HeavyJeep (May 7, 2011)

Id have to say, that is a narly situation, and I'm sorry you have to be in it. There is no way I'd give up my dogs. End. 
IMHO... Those that matter don't care, and those that care don't matter.


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## EL CUCO (Jul 25, 2011)

HeavyJeep said:


> IMHO... Those that matter don't care, and those that care don't matter.


:goodpost: good stuff...you can throw that on you sig! Lol

Rockaholic, its not ashy larry. its Tyrone Biggums lol 

Lots of good advice on this thread for you. Hope you choose wisely.


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## Bruce TGPs (Dec 24, 2010)

r0ckah0l1c said:


> He basically told me that both of us moving out together wasn't an option...


First I wouldn,t live with my inlaws if i had to live under a bridge, second if we couldn,t leave together me and mine would be gone. IF YOU SEE ME GETTING SMALLER IT,S CAUSE I'M LEAVING!!!


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## Luvum (Nov 11, 2010)

I'm sorry you are dealing with this right now, I can only imagine how stressful this is for you.
But in my opinion, you should have left your husband long ago. I apologize in advance if I'm mistaken about this, but didn't he abuse Leo a while back by beating him in the head? That's the point where I would have packed my bags, took my dogs and left.
I have no use for a person who abuses animals and judging by what you say about the condition of the chicken, it seems his parents are the same way. Do you really want to surround yourself by people like that? That is a decision only you can make.
But in the mean time, I think it would be best if Leo was re-homed. He needs to be in a place where he feels not only loved, but safe. I know you love him, but you need to do what's best for him and if you're not willing to leave just yet, please let Leo go so he can live a good life with out fear.


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## Absolute Peril (Jan 21, 2010)

I would always chose the dogs over my spouse but I would never be with someone who didn't know that from the beginning.


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## jmejiaa (Dec 8, 2009)

In your situation, no. 

I would say it DEPENDS on the situation, who the person is and a LOT of other things I cannot think of right now. But those things have to be some very crazy situations for me to get rid of my dog EVER.


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## Didi (Sep 12, 2011)

Yeah I would not ditch my dog cause my In laws chicken finally kicked the bucket, or as it seems, was finally put out of its misery by my dog. If your living with your in laws I am guessing the marriage was not going well to begin with! I know in this economy things happen, my SIL and her hubby and kid are living with a friend. But if he cannot even leave mom and dads for you that just is not right!


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## MamaTank (Jun 12, 2011)

My husband knows there is a stipulation with our marriage. When we got Keira, I put that out there from the beginning, because we had just gotten back together after a 4 month separation. My DH is a wonderful man, but he doesn't understand how much my pets mean to me. He likes them, loves them even. BUT if he said we had to get rid of any pets for any reason-- his cat goes first.  
And since he won't give up that cat, I won't give up my dog. And my Mother-In-Law knows that too. That discussion came up-- "What if we had to move in with her at some point in the future", and she tried to say we couldn't bring the dogs if that happened. And I said that's okay... but I'm not moving in nor would my kids. That shut her right up. So that has been settled for us... IF we ever had to move in there, my dogs would have to stay outside in a kennel (Not live inside--she hates dogs) BUT they could live there.


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## Aczdreign (Jun 15, 2010)

r0ckah0l1c said:


> He basically told me that both of us moving out together wasn't an option...


I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to you, but it sounds like HE has already made the decision to me?


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## r0ckah0l1c (Jan 18, 2011)

*sigh* I only have until tomorrow to decide because Lisa with Performance Kennels is coming through flagstaff... I know he would have a good home and she would work with him on some of his behavioral issues... but I just don't know if I can do it. My familys telling me choose my husband...but I just don't know. I don't want somebody else to force me to get rid of my dog... and what if I can't afford the dogs without my husband anyways *sigh* idk...


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## r0ckah0l1c (Jan 18, 2011)

I thought it was dave chapelle woah I'm trippin o__O


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## DueceAddicTed (Sep 28, 2009)

If you have to get rid of your dog and your husband isn't standing by you on this then I hope you never plan on getting another dog as long as you are married. I know it comes off as harsh but its reality, he doesn't value pet ownership nor your ownership responsibilities to these animals so to own another in the same relationship IMO is setting the dog up for failure.
Everyone in my life knows my dogs come with the package end of story ... you can humph around, say how much you hate my dog but aint a damn thing you can do about it .....

Seems like such malarchy considering the chicken shoulda been pts'd with all its nasty issues .......


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## r0ckah0l1c (Jan 18, 2011)

My heart is telling me move and take my dogs... but everyone else is telling me its foolish and I should give up the dog for hubby :'(


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## DueceAddicTed (Sep 28, 2009)

Only you know what you need to do, the position your in is a difficult one, especially since things were not set in stone from day one. If you can't afford to move then perhaps they are right, wish you the best and hope you can find em a good home.

Peace & Blessings


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## EckoMac (Aug 25, 2010)

A. Your husband sounds like a tool.
B. If Lisa is willing to take him at least you know he is going to the best place possible.
C. Even if Lisa takes him, if I were you I'd be saving up to move out and get a divorce.

I got my dog after my GF and she knows I'd choose Ecko in a situation like that. He is my best friend and loves me unconditionally. He doesn't care if I mow the grass or cook dinner.

Do what is financially best for you right now, and then when you can afford it, give that jerk his walking papers.


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## Mach0 (Mar 28, 2010)

They don't eat chicken? Lol I woulda finished it off and had a banging dinner.... Sorry lol. Good luck. It's just prey drive.... Hopefully, he will see past it.



Edit--- 
I just read the part on the diseased chicken..... No food at that point lol.


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## Gimbler (Jan 29, 2010)

If you're still looking for opinions - mine is give the dog to Lisa and then move out anyway. That way you're doing what's best for the dog and prolly what's best for you too in the long run.


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## r0ckah0l1c (Jan 18, 2011)

after I got done talking to Lisa over text... I got a call from Jorge's parents and they decided we can keep Leo...after about a week of constant talking and arguing and such


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## pitbullmamanatl (Jun 1, 2010)

r0ckah0l1c said:


> after I got done talking to Lisa over text... I got a call from Jorge's parents and they decided we can keep Leo...after about a week of constant talking and arguing and such


I'd take the dog and still move out.


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## Didi (Sep 12, 2011)

One thing I have learned is that a lot of men(not saying all men) seem to be mamas boys and if there mom says they have to do something they think they do. Thankfully my MIL is a little crazy so even though my hubby is a mama's boy(he is the youngest), he also knows not to take anything she says to heart! 
The fact that he said that he would not move out with you really should give you a hint that he may not be in the marriage for the long haul!!! Glad you get to keep your dog though!


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## dixieland (Aug 14, 2009)

Didi said:


> One thing I have learned is that a lot of men(not saying all men) seem to be mamas boys and if there mom says they have to do something they think they do. Thankfully my MIL is a little crazy so even though my hubby is a mama's boy(he is the youngest), he also knows not to take anything she says to heart!
> The fact that he said that he would not move out with you really should give you a hint that he may not be in the marriage for the long haul!!! Glad you get to keep your dog though!


Exactly!If he was telling you that he wouldn't go with you then he truely doesn't care,at least not in the way you need him to.He knows how you care and love your dogs,right?He should have stuck by you instead of his mother.His mother shouldn't have put her son in that position to begin with,but when she did he should have stepped up and been a man and your husband.
My husband is not too fond of my love for animals either.Pretty weird considering he's Native American.lol.But he knows that I love all my animals.He knows that he could never ask me to choose and he knows that he damn well better stick up for me if someone tries telling me I have to.Even though he doesn't really care for them,he knows I do.That's all that should matter.And the minute he forgets it,his butt is gone.I can do bad on my own,I don't need his help.


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## Aireal (Jul 2, 2010)

At this point id give the dog to lisa and save up for a divorce


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## Gimbler (Jan 29, 2010)

Aireal said:


> At this point id give the dog to lisa and save up for a divorce


:goodpost: Word!


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## KMdogs (Apr 22, 2011)

r0ckah0l1c said:


> after I got done talking to Lisa over text... I got a call from Jorge's parents and they decided we can keep Leo...after about a week of constant talking and arguing and such


Your making excuses and to be fully honest i'm not going to feel bad for you and your situation. This isn't the first time you've had trouble and you seem to shrug it off and move on like everything is okay.. From an outsider looking in, theres obviously some serious stuff going on because you apparently also feel the need to come on here for advice and help.. Which is fine dont get me wrong but the way things have been going on it appears you've run into a dead end being able to discuss this as adults with your husband and his family..

You need to do whats best for you, if thats divorcing and being done with it women up and take care of business. People don't change, small things maybe but the things going on now that upsets you or gets in between you two will more than likely always be.


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## bahamutt99 (May 14, 2008)

"Its just a dog."

"Its just a chicken."

Meh. I'm glad things are settled, but be wary. You know the situation and the key players better than I do, but I wouldn't trust that Leo is safe at the home while you are away. And it sucks to have to live like that. I do agree with what Didi posted about mama's boys, though. One of the cracks in my eventually failed marriage was that he felt I came between him and his family, in a scenario where he moved me away from mine and often spent his one day off helping his grandparents do stuff that anybody else could have done. Times of stress like yours will show you where your spouse's true loyalties lie.


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## IzzosMommy (Mar 30, 2011)

If your husband is even trying to make you choose he isnt worth the time , I had a situation where my fiances mother hated pitbulls and we lost our house . We moved in with her , she thought because we were coming there until we were on our feet again that we were going to be getting rid of Izzo .. lol it would be a cold day in hell before I lost my dog , or gave my dog to anyone as long as I can provide a good life for her and take care of her then I see it as I took the responsibility of her and its not her fault I could take car of myself .. Im sorry , but your husband from wha tyou have said on the forum does not seem like a man you should be with anyway.. My fiance knows that if anything were to happen to the dogs on his watch he would be out the door faster then he could blink .. =] My dogs are my kids , they arent just something you give away like that I believe Ive talked to you before about animal shelters and what happens when pitbulls end up in them .. he is your responsibility ALONG with you husbands ... and if you two are married he needs to grow up and stop wanting to live with mommy and daddy when he has a wife and a family to think about .. sorry if I came of as rude but I couldnt think of anyway to sugar coat it ..


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## k8nkane (Jul 9, 2010)

Honestly, Leo isn't safe while your husband is with you and/or you're living with his family. Because if they can change their mind once, they can change their mind a second, third, fourth time. Leo will always be true to you. He will never lie, he will never force you to choose between two things you love.

I would still give Leo to Lisa and as others have said, save up for a divorce, so you can get busy finding a person who will love and accept you for you--including the dogs that are a part of your life and heart.


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## erod32 (Mar 9, 2011)

or u can just move in with me....i wouldnt mind another dog at my house....not to mention a woman....its a win win.....LOL.....


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## r0ckah0l1c (Jan 18, 2011)

My husband said once he reaches his 1 yr at the position he's in at his job we are going to look into transferring out and moving so that this situation will not occur again. I won't make any excuses for anything else...but I am just putting that info out there saying that he is willing to make adjustments as they are availible.


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## Aireal (Jul 2, 2010)

r0ckah0l1c said:


> My husband said once he reaches his 1 yr at the position he's in at his job we are going to look into transferring out and moving so that this situation will not occur again. I won't make any excuses for anything else...but I am just putting that info out there saying that he is willing to make adjustments as they are availible.


And that my dear is just that ANOTHER EXCUSE!!!! Listen you put yourself in this position and its you who are not taking yourself out of it. My sympathy you you is gone, I do however feel for your dog poor thing to have to deal with that bs constantly!!!


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## performanceknls (Apr 4, 2009)

Based on everything you have said about your situation, I would take the dogs and start over, you have no kids it is never too late. I would never be with a man who could abuse animals like that and treat you that way..... There are better men out there, it will be hard at first but then you will see it was for the best.


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## r0ckah0l1c (Jan 18, 2011)

Well... I better work on getting my drivers license first o__o


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## r0ckah0l1c (Jan 18, 2011)

Also, to everyone saying "I have no sympathy for you", I was never looking for sympathy just simply advice on the situation. The situation is now resolved as I do not have to choose between my spouse and my dog as the dog is allowed to stay.


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## DueceAddicTed (Sep 28, 2009)

r0ckah0l1c said:


> Also, to everyone saying "I have no sympathy for you", I was never looking for sympathy just simply advice on the situation. The situation is now resolved as I do not have to choose between my spouse and my dog as the dog is allowed to stay.


I hope you know thats a temporary solution, til the next "I hate that dog" moment. Its so unfair for his life to hang in the balance everyday and every minute of his life while you are in that home ........


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## performanceknls (Apr 4, 2009)

Well that's why I was willing to take Leo and get him out of there. The thing is it says a lot of someones character the way they treat animals. So what happens when your baby does not stop crying and you husband gets mad.... Being heartless to animals says a lot on someones character. I just feel bad for you that you do not think you are worth more. Your a nice young kid and I hope you learn quickly from your past. It is just a shame the dogs have to suffer because you feel the need to make excuses for him and his behavior. I am not trying to make you feel bad, I want you to feel pissed and that you are worth more than that. Trust me I was with men like that and once you get away from them you can learn what it is really like to have a loving relationship where your opinion is valued. Some of the comments were harsh on here but I think it is just more frustration that we can see what you cannot.

I really hope you value yourself more and one day will figure out there are some great men who will treat you right.


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## ames (Jun 6, 2010)

DueceAddicTed said:


> I hope you know thats a temporary solution, til the next "I hate that dog" moment. Its so unfair for his life to hang in the balance everyday and every minute of his life while you are in that home ........


agreed, I hope you take the dog with you every time you leave the house, why let them make the decision for you and just say he had an accident while you were gone and you will be out a dog....


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## Sadie (Jun 18, 2008)

Get out people don't change what you see is what you get ... Your dogs depend on you to protect them they can't defend themselves let some sorry excuse for a man ever lay hands on me or my dogs. There is only one solution to your problem and that's to pack up with your dogs and go.


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## Sadie (Jun 18, 2008)

Wanted to add if you are not willing to protect them give them to someone who will an abuser is an abuser whoever they choose to make their victim.


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## performanceknls (Apr 4, 2009)

What worries me is if they have kids at some point..... OMGosh I don't even want to think of what that could mean......


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## DueceAddicTed (Sep 28, 2009)

What I don't want to see is Leo become fearful or feel the need to protect himself, abuse can trigger HA ( or just a hate for that person abusing him ) then what if he bites?
Does he get blamed for that too???? 
Sorry but we just want you to think of everything that is or could go wrong .... this just makes me sad


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## KMdogs (Apr 22, 2011)

Anyone who abuses a dog or doesn't want a dog shouldn't have a dog nor should they be around dogs. You are putting your dog in the situation(s) by sticking around. 

Promises and talk is just that, empty. Actions speak louder than words.


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## performanceknls (Apr 4, 2009)

Leo is already displaying behaviors that I am sure are related to the past abuse. JMO

You know you remind me of rileyroo now her user name is patientflame. Talk to her, she was in a similar situation and we all said the same things to her and finally she realized it herself and moved out. She can tell you first hand how hard it was and what she had to do to get out and move on.


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## KMdogs (Apr 22, 2011)

performanceknls said:


> Leo is already displaying behaviors that I am sure are related to the past abuse. JMO
> 
> You know you remind me of rileyroo now her user name is patientflame. Talk to her, she was in a similar situation and we all said the same things to her and finally she realized it herself and moved out. She can tell you first hand how hard it was and what she had to do to get out and move on.


:goodpost: i was wondering who that was. lol


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## k8nkane (Jul 9, 2010)

I was in the same situation as you, OP. My ex was abusive to me and Kane. I was more afraid for Kane than me because he started to become very fearful and I've been nin bad relationships before and been abused and knew I could survive. But I wasn't sure Kane could survive and still be the dog I loved.

In the end, I left my ex not because of the abuse he gave me, but because of the fearful, overly submissive dog Kane was becoming. The breaking point was when I walked into a room Kane was laying in and, without even LOOKING at Kane, he rolled over onto his back and peed over himself. I broke. I took him into the bathroom and cleaned him off and left my ex that day.

It's a testament to Kane's temperament that Kane is the outgoing, confident dog he is today, although it took a good deal of training over several months to build that confidence up. He no longer submissive pees, he's no longer quite as fearful of new situations, but I think he will always be a little shyer around tall, deep-voiced men and the hand-shyness is still something I'm working on as well.

That being said, even after several months working on his confidence, he still has his moments where I realize that his personality has been affected by the abuse to the point where he'll never be the dog he could have been before. Just the other day, the boyfriend and I were running around the house teasing each other, and I escaped into the bathroom and slammed the door. Kane didn't realize that me and the bf were just messing around, not actually arguing, and he immediately tucked tail and peed across the living room as he scuttled to hide behind the couch. He came out afterwards, but the abuse clearly left scars.

I regret every day that I didn't leave my ex sooner, wasn't strong enough to stand up to him for Kane. I will never forget it and I've learned my lesson in being strong for myself and being in a relationship that I deserve.

Unfortunately, Kane suffered the brunt of the learning lesson. Please, please think of Leo.


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## Nubwagon (May 9, 2011)

I choose my dog over most people.

She's just better.


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## Sadie (Jun 18, 2008)

k8nkane said:


> I was in the same situation as you, OP. My ex was abusive to me and Kane. I was more afraid for Kane than me because he started to become very fearful and I've been nin bad relationships before and been abused and knew I could survive. But I wasn't sure Kane could survive and still be the dog I loved.
> 
> In the end, I left my ex not because of the abuse he gave me, but because of the fearful, overly submissive dog Kane was becoming. The breaking point was when I walked into a room Kane was laying in and, without even LOOKING at Kane, he rolled over onto his back and peed over himself. I broke. I took him into the bathroom and cleaned him off and left my ex that day.
> 
> ...


Very good post K8 I am glad you and Kane made it out ok ... :goodpost:


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## Sadie (Jun 18, 2008)

Just wanted to add If he get's angry next time and kill's Leo you won't be able to bring him back he will be gone you take that risk everyday you stay for something terrible to happen to Leo or the other dogs. Sometimes it just takes enough of getting sick and tired to finally do something about it. The man you married that's what the rest of your life will be like it won't change and like Lisa said god forbid you ever have kids and he get's pissed off at one of them. You enable his behavior by staying if you want to be free from the abuse get out and leave no woman should ever have to put up with this. I promise you anyone who is sick enough to beat up on a poor defenseless animal will hit you, your kids, or anyone else. I feel so sorry for Leo he doesn't deserve that and if you won't stop it at least love your dog enough to give him to someone who will protect him.


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## crystalcountry (Dec 26, 2010)

You've heard alot of great advice. Marriage is all about mutual respect and compromise. Ken and I have 21 yrs married. He wasn't a dog/horse/bird person when we married, BUT HE NEVER MADE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM OR HIM. The offer was made for your fur baby to go into a stable, secure home and give you a chance to get yourself into a safe frame of mind. Sometimes it's about doing the best for our animals and not hanging on to them just for our sakes. Even if there's no physical abuse to your dog, they are instictual (sp?) creatures and can feel the tension going on in that house (I won't even call it your home because it's not, it's you in-laws). Don't hang on to him-your dog- just because...if you have the option to still place him with someone that can give him the piece of mind he deserves- don't hesitate! 
You have a choose- either you can stay with your hubby or you can leave. Your dog can't pack his bags and hit the road, he depends on you to make the right chooses for him. We are our dogs best protectors an shouldn't be blinded for our need to "have" them.
Good luck, you need to better your position and frame of mind but you can help you fur kid now. Having to worry over the safety of your dog has muddied the waters of your relationship with your hubby. Do what's right for your fur kid and your personal lifes needs and problems might clear to the point that you can make a decision about the future of your marriage. That's y*our* decisions.


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