# The question I wanted to ask from day one



## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

but was afraid to ask, because it is personal to everyone. It's the reason I joined this forum. Now that I've gotten to know all of you a little better and gained your trust, I feel like I can ask it. Ever since I lost my two pit bulls, within a 10 month period, over the last year and a half, I have had a really rough time coping with their loss. This has come in the form of emotional distress/anxiety issues and physical problems, as well. My two pups were EVERYTHING to me. I live by myself, so they were literally my children. And then one day they are gone, and so " three peas in a pod" became one The routine of taking care of them and having two pups waiting for me when I got home from work is done. The details of how they smelt, felt, sounded, and even looked like have somewhat faded, and that kills me. To me, it's like a bad dream that I can't get out of. I guess I foolishly never thought that they would ever die. They lived for 13 and 14.5 years, so I can't complain but damn do I miss them. My question is how has everyone else handled the loss of their pups? I truly understand if this is too personal to reply to. Thanks everyone! P.S. I am looking for another pit bull because loneliness is everything that its cracked up to be and I love these dogs.


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## MISSAPBT (May 10, 2009)

I hate that feeling i lost my little girl Kyza at 10 months on the 29/09/09. i felt so lost for so long. I feel quite stink that i dont think about her all the time, but its just something that happens, i remind myself.
Her ashes are in my lounge in a box so she is still present (in a way) lol!


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## American_Pit13 (Apr 23, 2007)

Aimee235 and I lost Kamakazi at 3 years old to an accidental dog fight last year.
http://www.gopitbull.com/general-discussion/9299-r-i-p-kamakazi.html









It was very hard on both of us to lose her so suddenly and not to age. She was much to young to go. It was also hard because I own her half sister and all my dogs are related to her so many resemble and act like her.

I always have multiple dogs so I do have to others to love and comfort me. Day by day being with them makes things get better. I couldn't imagine if I lost one and didn't have others at home still.

I also recently lost a dog produced by me. Unfortunately due to bad ownership she became HA. 
http://www.gopitbull.com/general-discussion/25855-decision-lil-mom.html
http://www.gopitbull.com/general-discussion/26300-lil-mom.html

Lil Mom is still a fresh wound. I have her collar laying on my desk and haven't quite got to the point of getting thru what happened with her.


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## FloorCandy (Feb 19, 2009)

I haven't gotten over the loss of Lady, we put a deposit on a pup of a different breed, and it has helped, planning for a pup has taken the place of mourning for a loss.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

Thanks for replying and I don't mean to open any still healing wounds. My first dog, Cuda, was put down rather quickly ( in a weekend) while my other dog, Jack, I had to watch get eaten by cancer for months, and that got bad. I didn't mourn Cuda's loss as bad at first because I had to "go on" for Jack, it was weird. But when Jack died, the floodgates opened big time for both of their losses. It has left me empty, depressed, lonely, guilty, everything, ya know. My family wants me to get another pit bull because they think it will give me a new purpose in life. I just want Cuda and Jack to forgive me for it though


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

Holly and Jami, I know what you mean about not quite dealing with the loss. I seriously left Cuda and Jack's saliva marks on the windows and the broken blinds up till very recently. My house is so full of memories that, at times, it haunts me. The evenings and mornings are so quiet that I can't get the TV on quick enough.


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## SARGEnNIKITA (Jan 3, 2010)

I was 18 when I lost my first girl Lady she was dying from stomach tumors/cancer and my parents made the decision to lay her down yet I had to take her since she was mine and I wanted to be there until the end... My friends went with me and they literally had to carry me out... I couldn't get another for about two years... That was many years ago and to this day I still remember every detail of that day and her and it's still hard to think about it... She looked at me when she knew it was the end as if to thank me for ending her pain oh how I cried...

I've lost a few others either to old age, parvovirus or other sickness.... It's always hard and I still have all their collars... It doesn't get any easier... I guess the way I look at it is if I stay with this breed (which was meant for me) then my past babies will continue to be with me in spirit knowing I'm doing everything I can to protect the breed...

They will forgive you because your fighting for their breed even if it's only saving one more one is better than none...


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

SARGEnNIKITA said:


> I was 18 when I lost my first girl Lady she was dying from stomach tumors/cancer and my parents made the decision to lay her down yet I had to take her since she was mine and I wanted to be there until the end... My friends went with me and they literally had to carry me out... I couldn't get another for about two years... That was many years ago and to this day I still remember every detail of that day and her and it's still hard to think about it... She looked at me when she knew it was the end as if to thank me for ending her pain oh how I cried...
> 
> I've lost a few others either to old age, parvovirus or other sickness.... It's always hard and I still have all their collars... It doesn't get any easier... I guess the way I look at it is if I stay with this breed (which was meant for me) then my past babies will continue to be with me in spirit knowing I'm doing everything I can to protect the breed...
> 
> They will forgive you because your fighting for their breed even if it's only saving one more one is better than none...


There is nothing like going into that room, having to sign a paper to put your baby down, and then watching the twinkle disappear from their eyes. Then you walk out of that room , leaving your baby lying on a table. Wow, this is difficult to even type. I hate it. I hope you're right that they forgive me, and I mean for every time I took a bad day out on them, everything


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## BLUE PIT BULL MAN (May 22, 2009)

sorry to hear about your loss. believe me i know what it feals like and it is hard.
i have other dogs to keep me busy so that really helps. i wish you luck and peace.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

BLUE PIT BULL MAN said:


> sorry to hear about your loss. believe me i know what it feals like and it is hard.
> i have other dogs to keep me busy so that really helps. i wish you luck and peace.


Thank you for the kind words and sympathy. I know everyone has to go thru this sometime. I guess it depends on the situation you're in as to how you handle it. Losing two that quickly and living alone didn't help. It has really been a struggle.


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## christina60546 (May 6, 2010)

I lost my boarder collie (Ben) two years ago due to a dog fight between him and shelby. he had to be put to sleep in 5/6/08, we got his paw print cemented in a little plaque but it hit really hard because he was our first dog after we moved out of our old house (my dad kicked me, my mom, and my sister out the day after my 10th birthday, Feb 11th, 2000) He put our old german shepherd to sleep two weeks after he kicked us out because he was "old" he was only 6. So in a way the Ben filled that hole. In 2002 she brought me my first pit bull and a year later he was stolen out of our backyard..I couldn't even look at any other pit bull without crying, even if i saw one on the street because i kept thinking i would find him..In 2004 my sister brought me a baby girl pit (Shelby) for my 14th birthday and 4 days later i got her sister (Daisy) for valentines day. Shelby got put to sleep 5/8/09. I loved both of them so much and I felt terrible that they had to go that way. After they were gone i swear i could still hear their collars in the backyard, i could even hear their bark, their foot steps downstairs, and even there presence sleeping next to my bed. Like you said you felt like you had to carry on, well after Ben died i still had shelby and daisy at home to take up the time, after shelby was gone, jake was 4 months old and took up much of my time too. But even now when i call the dogs inside i accidentally slip either a ben or shelby in there on accident. Memories do crazy things. I remember after we put Ben to sleep,we were all sitting in our living room crying and laughing thinking about all the memories and we stopped to looked up at the fireplace mantle and this heart shaped box just rocked back and forth and stopped, we all saw it and took it as a sign he was still with us. I miss them every day and I still cant look at their pictures without crying. Yes its hard, but then I think of the good and the life that they did live when they were alive and the good in all of it. 

They had a good life with you and they were lucky to have a owner that cared as much as you did for them 


On a off topic, sort of, i rescued a baby bird saturday because my cat had attacked it, and i tried to save it and feed it and give it worms, i made a fake nest for it in a tree, i knew it wasn't going to live that long because my cat had broken its wing, but i had that glimpse of hope that it would and it died last night  i cried. and buried it. Now i want a bird to play with, funny how my brain works, i wont get one though.


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## Rudy4747 (Nov 29, 2009)

My first pits name was Tyson he was the best. I still miss him when I got dooney It did help because unlike others I've owned he acts so much like him It is pretty awesome. I think you wi;; see it helps. Best wishes to you.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

christina60546 said:


> I lost my boarder collie (Ben) two years ago due to a dog fight between him and shelby. he had to be put to sleep in 5/6/08, we got his paw print cemented in a little plaque but it hit really hard because he was our first dog after we moved out of our old house (my dad kicked me, my mom, and my sister out the day after my 10th birthday, Feb 11th, 2000) He put our old german shepherd to sleep two weeks after he kicked us out because he was "old" he was only 6. So in a way the Ben filled that hole. In 2002 she brought me my first pit bull and a year later he was stolen out of our backyard..I couldn't even look at any other pit bull without crying, even if i saw one on the street because i kept thinking i would find him..In 2004 my sister brought me a baby girl pit (Shelby) for my 14th birthday and 4 days later i got her sister (Daisy) for valentines day. Shelby got put to sleep 5/8/09. I loved both of them so much and I felt terrible that they had to go that way. After they were gone i swear i could still hear their collars in the backyard, i could even hear their bark, their foot steps downstairs, and even there presence sleeping next to my bed. Like you said you felt like you had to carry on, well after Ben died i still had shelby and daisy at home to take up the time, after shelby was gone, jake was 4 months old and took up much of my time too. But even now when i call the dogs inside i accidentally slip either a ben or shelby in there on accident. Memories do crazy things. I remember after we put Ben to sleep,we were all sitting in our living room crying and laughing thinking about all the memories and we stopped to looked up at the fireplace mantle and this heart shaped box just rocked back and forth and stopped, we all saw it and took it as a sign he was still with us. I miss them every day and I still cant look at their pictures without crying. Yes its hard, but then I think of the good and the life that they did live when they were alive and the good in all of it.
> 
> They had a good life with you and they were lucky to have a owner that cared as much as you did for them
> 
> On a off topic, sort of, i rescued a baby bird saturday because my cat had attacked it, and i tried to save it and feed it and give it worms, i made a fake nest for it in a tree, i knew it wasn't going to live that long because my cat had broken its wing, but i had that glimpse of hope that it would and it died last night  i cried. and buried it. Now i want a bird to play with, funny how my brain works, i wont get one though.


Christina, I'm sorry about everything that has happened to you and your dogs and your family. I am glad that you shared your story with me. I look for signs all the time with out much luck, maybe I'm trying to hard, I don't know. I know life can be unfair but that doesn't make it any easier. Thank you


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

Rudy4747 said:


> My first pits name was Tyson he was the best. I still miss him when I got dooney It did help because unlike others I've owned he acts so much like him It is pretty awesome. I think you wi;; see it helps. Best wishes to you.


Thanks Rudy, I'm trying to get used to the idea that I may get another pit bull in my life, it's tough. I'll probably just take that plunge and see what happens, ya know? I mean maybe he'll be the "distraction" I need.


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## Nizmosmommy (Jun 1, 2009)

\
This is my Skylar. This is the first pit I ever loved. We rescued her from the humane society and she went downhill. She was aggressive with other dogs, and bit my boyfriend multiple times. She was put down. There was no way we could help her, we tried to keep her even after she got Hman Aggression, But the problem wasn't us and we couldn't fix it. 
To this day, when I see a picture of her I cry hysterically. I blame myself, then get over it. But I don't know if you ever truly heal from it.I know that I haven't. But Owning another pit doesn't mean you replace them, or that you love them less. I wish you the best.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

Nizmosmommy said:


> \
> This is my Skylar. This is the first pit I ever loved. We rescued her from the humane society and she went downhill. She was aggressive with other dogs, and bit my boyfriend multiple times. She was put down. There was no way we could help her, we tried to keep her even after she got Hman Aggression, But the problem wasn't us and we couldn't fix it.
> To this day, when I see a picture of her I cry hysterically. I blame myself, then get over it. But I don't know if you ever truly heal from it.I know that I haven't. But Owning another pit doesn't mean you replace them, or that you love them less. I wish you the best.


Thank you. Skylar looks like she could pull at your heartstrings. It's like one moment I think I'm alright with my dogs being gone, then the next moment I miss them and feel guilty for living my life without them. I mean it's not even like my life anymore, it's more like just going thru the motions, at least for now. I just wanted to see how everyone else copes, and see how everyone else gets out of bed on a friggin' Monday morning without their babies


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## Nizmosmommy (Jun 1, 2009)

Saint Francis said:


> Thank you. Skylar looks like she could pull at your heartstrings. It's like one moment I think I'm alright with my dogs being gone, then the next moment I miss them and feel guilty for living my life without them. I mean it's not even like my life anymore, it's more like just going thru the motions, at least for now. I just wanted to see how everyone else copes, and see how everyone else gets out of bed on a friggin' Monday morning without their babies


I feel for you, and my prayers go out to you. It's hard to let something go. And If you ever need to talk I am here for you. One thing that helps me is thinking that she's playing fetch with Jesus. Sounds silly, but that dog could run for hours, the only difference is now in heaven she doesn't get tired. You gave your dogs your heart. and now its time to say I love you guys, I accept that your gone, but you will always be my babies and play a huge roll in my life. I alwyas say that my dogs taught me how to love unconditionally. How to accept things, even people. They made me who I am, and I am thankful. Our babies are happy now. And as hard as it is to be positive in such a poopy situation, they aren't in pain, they are happy, and they fell nothing but happiness.


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## Black Rabbit (Nov 14, 2009)

This big boy right here broke my heart. I had to put him down cause he had seizures very badly. One of them happened on the back porch and he fell down the back steps and hit his head so hard he got brain damage. He became very aggressive and started forgetting who we were. My boyfriend raised this dog and he slept in bed with him. He almost attacked him and he came a foot or two away from him snarling and growling thinking he was an intruder then relized it was daddy. I loved him so much but he was a 130lb American Bulldog and became uncontrollable. I held him on my lap until the last beat of his heart to let him know he was loved and gunna be ok. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and 3years old is way to young. 
I always look back at his pics and remember what a great loving dog he was. I could walk anywhere in the world I wanted in the dark and no one could cross me. He made sure I was always safe and saved me from a home invasion when I was all alone. Just remember how much they loved us and made us smile and you'll start to feel better.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

Nizmosmommy said:


> I feel for you, and my prayers go out to you. It's hard to let something go. And If you ever need to talk I am here for you. One thing that helps me is thinking that she's playing fetch with Jesus. Sounds silly, but that dog could run for hours, the only difference is now in heaven she doesn't get tired. You gave your dogs your heart. and now its time to say I love you guys, I accept that your gone, but you will always be my babies and play a huge roll in my life. I alwyas say that my dogs taught me how to love unconditionally. How to accept things, even people. They made me who I am, and I am thankful. Our babies are happy now. And as hard as it is to be positive in such a poopy situation, they aren't in pain, they are happy, and they fell nothing but happiness.


I appreciate your compassion. When I started this thread, I knew it might get a little personal but was hoping people would open up. You know every night I go to bed and, as I look over at their ashes, I ask God, who I actually lost a little faith in because of my anger, three things. Please let my pups be in Heaven, please let them forgive me for any past wrongdoings, and please let me see them again in the end. But, there's no real answer from God, I guess that's why they call it faith, it's tough. And btw, I still haven't been able to look at the last roll of pictures of Jack, my last pup. I literally have a picture of me holding him 15 minutes before we put him down


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

kg420 said:


> This big boy right here broke my heart. I had to put him down cause he had seizures very badly. One of them happened on the back porch and he fell down the back steps and hit his head so hard he got brain damage. He became very aggressive and started forgetting who we were. My boyfriend raised this dog and he slept in bed with him. He almost attacked him and he came a foot or two away from him snarling and growling thinking he was an intruder then relized it was daddy. I loved him so much but he was a 130lb American Bulldog and became uncontrollable. I held him on my lap until the last beat of his heart to let him know he was loved and gunna be ok. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and 3years old is way to young.
> I always look back at his pics and remember what a great loving dog he was. I could walk anywhere in the world I wanted in the dark and no one could cross me. He made sure I was always safe and saved me from a home invasion when I was all alone. Just remember how much they loved us and made us smile and you'll start to feel better.


Krystal, I know had bad you loved him and remember reading that in past threads. He was a good looking big boy. Anything white reminds me of my Cuda. I've got to somehow get some pics up of the two that stole my heart. All this talk about the emotional part of dealing with our losses seems normal,but I am going thru physical problems as well (stomach issues, headaches, heart palpitations when I get anxiety, etc.) Hell, I can't even sleep in my bed now that I don't have two dogs at my head and feet. I must sound like the biggest whiner.


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## Gimbler (Jan 29, 2010)

The only reason I found this forum is cause I adopted a pit bull shortly after losing my 14 year old Rhodesian Ridgeback to a stomach tumor. 

I kinda know what you mean about your days feeling empty. Where you were caring for two elderly dogs we were only caring for one and didn't even realize until he was gone how much of our day and how many of our conversations revolved around Rufus and his care. We adopted two much younger dogs within a month of losing him so we sure haven't had to worry about not having something to keep us going. They require a LOT more attention and energy than he did.

We both still miss Rufus and talk about him almost every day. I'm such a freak I've made Maggie and Jake look at pictures of him and smell a bag of his fur that I kept from his brushings! I think we'll always miss him and hold him in our hearts because he was really special and was truly our best friend for many years.

But, life is short and dogs lives are even shorter still. If you have a heart and a home for a dog then you should share it with a dog. There are so many healthy happy dogs without homes and too many on "death row".

Your dogs don't need to forgive you. They wouldn't be offended that continued being a caring person. They loved you and they would want you to be happy. We like to think of it as we're honoring Rufus's memory by putting in the work we never had to do with him. I also like to think that he somehow had a guiding hand in helping to pick the two dogs we ended up with. It sure seems like he knew us and knew what we needed. 

My husband and I have both come to realize some things about ourselves and the way we are with each other by watching Maggie and Jake. Even he says that I've become a nicer person (to him) since we got Maggie.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

Gimbler, they (dogs) do have such a huge impact on our lives, some of which we don't feel until they are gone. I keep wishing I could spend one more day with them just holding them and apologizing for any thing I could have done better for them. And I saved teeth, hair, mostly from my clothes, toenail clippings, etc. How's that for crazy?


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## Gimbler (Jan 29, 2010)

Saint Francis said:


> Gimbler, they (dogs) do have such a huge impact on our lives, some of which we don't feel until they are gone. I keep wishing I could spend one more day with them just holding them and apologizing for any thing I could have done better for them. And I saved teeth, hair, mostly from my clothes, toenail clippings, etc. How's that for crazy?


I didn't save any of his gnarly toenails but I've got a big ole bag of hair! And his collar. And his favorite toys. I probably still have his hair in the carpets, my car and inside my shoes. Man, that dog could shed!

We weren't done loving him and it hurt so bad to see him go. We had him cremated but didn't save the ashes. I was kinda mad at his body for giving out on him when he still had the mind and eyesight of a pup. I didn't want his body I wanted him. Since I can't have that I guess we've settled for our memories and his spirit. I'm not a religious person, but I do talk to Rufus almost like a prayer. I ask him for help and/or guidance - especially with the dog training. Maybe I need a WWRD bracelet!

Like me, you'll probably always miss your dogs. But, you should fill your heart and home with at least one more dog. And soon. I think you'll be glad.


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## Black Rabbit (Nov 14, 2009)

I also have Mack's old collar that will never be put on another dog but just stays in the house as something to remember him by. I think remembering how they impacted our lives and the love we shared helps keep them alive and is something I always cling to.


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## Xiahko (Feb 24, 2010)

My family helped me cope. Let me see if I can find the poem my aunt gave me when my dog died. It was very reassuring.
It took me 5 years to get another dog.
I have my dogs collar on a plush replica I found by chance at toys r us. I still sleep with it on my bed. Over my 28 years of life, I have lost 5 dogs. But Pup was special, because she was my dog,not just the family dog, we had a bond I've never had with another dog since.


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## Nizmosmommy (Jun 1, 2009)

Saint Francis said:


> I appreciate your compassion. When I started this thread, I knew it might get a little personal but was hoping people would open up. You know every night I go to bed and, as I look over at their ashes, I ask God, who I actually lost a little faith in because of my anger, three things. Please let my pups be in Heaven, please let them forgive me for any past wrongdoings, and please let me see them again in the end. But, there's no real answer from God, I guess that's why they call it faith, it's tough. And btw, I still haven't been able to look at the last roll of pictures of Jack, my last pup. I literally have a picture of me holding him 15 minutes before we put him down


Sometimes looking throught those things will break your heart, but it may be just what you need to help you move on. I am religious so I may bug someone with this. God answers you in funny ways. You just got to give all the mixed feelings, emotions and sadness to him. Keep praying and he'll help you to move on. But it may take time. Who knows if ten twenty years from now it willstill bother you. But I promise you that your dogs are happy and healthy and pain free now.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

Nizmosmommy said:


> Sometimes looking throught those things will break your heart, but it may be just what you need to help you move on. I am religious so I may bug someone with this. God answers you in funny ways. You just got to give all the mixed feelings, emotions and sadness to him. Keep praying and he'll help you to move on. But it may take time. Who knows if ten twenty years from now it willstill bother you. But I promise you that your dogs are happy and healthy and pain free now.


You sound like my mom and dad, who are very religious. I am also, I just hit a rough patch when not one, but both of my dogs were taken so quickly. I know it's not God's fault but I thought it could have been handled better. What it boils down to is that when the computer gets turned off and the TV gets turned off, that it becomes tough to deal with their loss, and I'm obviously still trying to find out how. When they died a piece of me died, and so far it's a big enough piece that it's damn near killing me altogether. I've just never been thru something so painful as this, even when grandparents and such have died, I didn't feel this way.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

Xiahko said:


> My family helped me cope. Let me see if I can find the poem my aunt gave me when my dog died. It was very reassuring.
> It took me 5 years to get another dog.
> I have my dogs collar on a plush replica I found by chance at toys r us. I still sleep with it on my bed. Over my 28 years of life, I have lost 5 dogs. But Pup was special, because she was my dog,not just the family dog, we had a bond I've never had with another dog since.


My family has been wonderful too. I think they could see how bad I was falling and knew I would be in trouble. The truth though is that they can't make it better for me, they can't take away the emotional and physical pain. But they do try and that means everything to me. I guess it's just a waiting game to see if things get better. I mean I'm a 40 year old man who has been reduced to a nervous wreck over my dogs death. It's been something else. Thank you for your words of encouragement.


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## Rondacker (Jan 12, 2010)

Saint Francis said:


> ..Snip.. I just want Cuda and Jack to forgive me for it though


From your account, I believe that you were a great companion for the dogs too.
I'm sure that they felt truly blessed to be yours..no forgiveness would be required..you did right by them, I'm sure they knew that..Dogs are great at picking up those things.

When you can, share your love/blessings with another. There are lots of dogs that would exist in a tough life if it were not for loving folks like you. Passing the love along would be a great tribute to Cuda and Jack.


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## BittersweetEmbrace (Feb 24, 2010)

I never got over the loss of Princess and Cocoa. I became less lively. My whole lifestyle changed to now i want to be alone 70% of the day.
I just talked to the only one i knew i could come to. I miss them to this day and feel that it's my fault that they're gone. Now i spend my time endlessly working and on the computer. I cry everytime i think of the last night i slept on the floor with Princess. Sometimes i have to ask myself did she leave because i told her i would help her and i couldn't  I know that i'll get another dog in my life but my heart feels like it bleeds ink. I do believe, when i get another dog (if i ever do) i'll be a better person...but for now it's the same everyday. i'm sorry for your loss


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## fishinrob (Apr 14, 2010)

We lost our 12 year old this February and have a 14 year old that you never know when she could go. The dogs are just like any family member to us. When we had to put Brandy down it was devestating to us , especially my wife. She had to get Anxiety pills to be able to function at work. I surprised her with a new pup the following week based on past experience with losses of my boyhood dogs. The gloom of the house disappeared almost immediately with a new spark of life. I forgot how energetic a new pup could be but it was worth it. My wife pulled out of her depression(she was against a new pup) within a week. There's no disrespect of your deceased dogs if you get another. It's been 4 months and now we love to come home and get greeted by our loving pup!!!! Instead of dwelling on past memories , create new ones.


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## MY MIKADO (Apr 7, 2006)

Dealing with loss is a hard and different people go through it in different ways. My mom told me that if you truely love an animal be a dog or cat or whatever pet you choose you celebrate that ones life with getting another and loving the new one just as much as the other one. It isn't about replacing as you can not replace that special friend it is finding a way through the pain and remebering the one that is gone while celebrating a new life.

I have lost many good pets that is a down side to doing rescues. Mikado my first pitbull was only 6yrs old when I put him down I thought it was the end of the world. He was my heart dog. Montag my first dog that was truely mine died at age 16yrs. He was one fantastic dog the best a person could have. I think about him often. Then there was Maggie Bea. My yellow lab I had her for 11yrs but she was 19yrs old when she died a yr ago. What a sweet heart she was.


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## BittersweetEmbrace (Feb 24, 2010)

MY MIKADO said:


> Dealing with loss is a hard and different people go through it in different ways. My mom told me that if you truely love an animal be a dog or cat or whatever pet you choose you celebrate that ones life with getting another and loving the new one just as much as the other one. It isn't about replacing as you can not replace that special friend it is finding a way through the pain and remebering the one that is gone while celebrating a new life.


:goodpost:


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## Pitcrew (Jan 19, 2008)

I still miss my Mikey sooooo much. It is difficult to do some things even after a year. It is hard for me to cradle another dogs face in my hands. I can love on them plenty and hug them up, but something about holding their face....Sounds crazy I know but true anyway. 

He had such an intensity to his being that you couldn't miss his existence in a room if you were blindfolded and in a coma. His very aura demanded notice.

I still have his collar on my dresser and I still see him in the window of my door when I pull in the carport.
I find myself comparing him to all my other dogs in some way or another.
"Oh, she gets the zoomies like Mikey always did....." "oh, he loves peanut butter almost as much as Mikey did...." but mostly its "there will never be another Mikey will there?"

I have one friend that has access to some beautiful Beaudreaux bred puppies, all black, papers and all that wants to give me a little black puppy and I haven't let him know as yet if I will take the puppy.
I think I probably should, but I don't think the time is right just yet.


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## Aximus Prime (Dec 15, 2009)

What happens when we loose a loved one? We remember the good memories of that person and fill the void they left with other family and friends as best we can. Same if you loose a dog....get another dog or 2 back in your life to fill that void! Sure no dog will ever be the ones you loose but life must go on!


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## dixieland (Aug 14, 2009)

I'm sorry for your loss and the pain you're still experiencing Saint Frances.
I know if I didn't have Pretty Girl then the loss of Suey would have been overpowering and numbing.
But I just coped and moved on.I think I made myself be strong for Pretty Girl.Suey was Pretty girls daughter that we kept out of her litter.
Pretty Girl knew that something was wrong went Suey took ill.She was always going and checking on her.And the morning that Suey passed it broke my heart watching Pretty Girl.She looked everywhere for her daughter.And she continued to look for a few days afterward.
So everytime I would see her sniffing or looking around I would try to get her attention elsewhere by giving her extra hugs and pets,or by playing with her.I felt like I had to keep her going or I was gonna lose her too.They were very close.
The pain is still there though.I still tear up when I'm weeding out the garden where we buried her.Or when I come across pictures of her.
If you need to talk to somebody,I'm here.
Here's Suey.She was 9 months old


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## Black Rabbit (Nov 14, 2009)

I think remembering them and looking back on the best times we had and the loved shared helps keep their memory alive.


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## ThaLadyPit (Oct 12, 2008)

Christian, right (OP)!? I, too, feel your pain. Debo the beautiful boy in my signature was lost way too early. I flew to Alaska to pick him up at 9 wks old b/c it was too hot for the airlines to ship him to TX in August of 04. I raised him, trained him, and showed him, but first and foremost, loved him. I used to tell people he was the son I'd never have (b/c I've had all girls, lol). He carried himself like a human at times, lol. I lost him 1 month and 2 days after his 2nd birthday, to a heat stroke. I hadn't even lived in Georgia for a year when I lost him. I kept his collar, his tags, his ribbons, his CGC certificate and his ped/registration papers. His CGC and reg/ped are in frames, and his ribbons and tags hang on my wall above my bed, like someone would hang a rosary. I finally let go of the last memory of losing him by giving a friend in need his collar last summer before I moved to TN. I recently asked Nisse (BittersweetEmbrace) to do a drawing of him, and she did an awesome job, I'm just awaiting it's arrival at my door, lol.

I was walking Debo and his "aunt", Onyx (his grandmother is Onyx's mother), on the 6th of July '06... and it's my fault for not taking water, and underestimating the humidity-laiden heat in Georgia. We were walking along, and he was fine, until about 30-45 mins into the walk. Then he started stumbling and falling down, like his legs were weak. They had their morning meal, so I know it wasn't from lack of food. It didn't dawn on me at the moment that I didn't bring them any water, and two dark coated dogs (Debo was black brindle and Onyx a seal and white) can't do well in that type of heat w/out water. I decided to turn around and walk back home, but Debo could no longer stand up.. but he wasn't panting or anything. I checked him to make sure nothing had bitten him, b/c we had walked thru some tall grass in a field, taking a shortcut to avoid the hot pavement.. but I found no bite marks anywhere on him. So, at this point, I heaved his 65lb self up onto my shoulders, and still had Onyx on the leash at my side. She was fine, so I couldn't understand what was going on. I figured if he was sick, she would be too as I kept their crates side by side in my room. At this point, Debo began taking deep breaths, but couldn't quite catch it, and I could feel him slipping away.. I was patting him on his chest telling him to just hang on, we're almost home. He did hang on, til we got to the front porch.. and when I layed him down, he looked up at me... took one last deep breath, whined, and his eyes rolled back in his head, and he fell over on his side. I tried cooling him off by putting water on him and forcing him to drink water, but it was too late. Onyx was sniffing him and licking his face, and even she couldn't revive him. She just looked up at me with this sad face, and I can't get it outta my head to this day... the expression on her face was like, "Why does he have to go now!?" I cried and cried and cried. Onyx tried to comfort me by nuzzling up to me and licking my face, but I really think she just wanted the salty tears, lol. I know she meant well though. A dear friend of mine had to help me carry him to the back yard to bury him.. I couldn't even do it. He helped me out by digging the hole for me, and helped me lay him down in the hole, and handed me a shovel so we could both cover him up. We packed the dirt down good, and I found some wild flowers to place on his grave. We lined it with cinder blocks so we would always know where he was buried at. After we were done, he said a prayer in Spanish for Debo and myself, and left me and Onyx alone to grieve. I hit my knees by his new grave, and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Onyx laid down and just rested her head on his grave, and I swear I saw a tear in her eye as well! When my daughters came over that afternoon (my husband and I were newly separated, and my daughters were only allowed to visit at the time), my oldest one asked where Debo was, and I had to explain to her that he was gone. She asked if she could see his grave, and I told her yes, and she picked some wild flowers (weeds) on the way back there, and placed them on his grave alongside the ones I had put there. Then, what hit me the hardest came next. Mind you, she was only 4 yrs old at the time. She kneels down and says, "Debo, you were such a good boy, and so nice to me and sister, and mommy and daddy. I think Jesus should let you into heaven! I love you and I miss you already. Good boy, Debo" and pats his grave! At this point, I had no more tears left to cry, and I just knelt down beside my daughter and told her we'd say a prayer to make sure Debo got into heaven. She hugged my neck and told me everything would be okay, and that she was sure that Debo would go to heaven b/c he was such a good dog.

It still hurts when I think about these intimate moments, and my daughter is 7 yrs old now, and still talks about Debo from time to time. She remembers making him "birthday cakes" in the back yard and him following her every step, and pretending to eat the "cake" by nudging it around with his nose when she gave him the okay. I've tried to supress these memories, but can't help but think about them from time to time. I cherish the good times, like watching my daughters participate in his training and upbringing, and how he would interact with them. He would never chase them or run around them, even if they had his favorite toy! They could tell him "drop it" if he had a raw bone in his mouth and he would drop it and walk away! He would ride "shotgun" with me in my Jeep Gr. Cherokee, sit facing forward like a human, and occassionally reach over with his paw, and place it on my hand on the gearshift, and kinda pull at it. I'd scratch him behind his ear and tell him he was a good boy, and he'd go back to watching traffic as we drove. He never barked at strangers, and everyone was a friend to him. I take that back, he only barked once, and that was when I moved into the apartment we were in..I had a male roommate, and while I was outside walking them the first night, he had come home, and didn't have any lights on.. when we walked in the back door, Debo knew someone was there, but couldn't see him, so he let out this ferocious bark, scared me half to death! I turned the lights on so I could see what he was barking at, and when I saw my roommmate, Debo was fine. Debo was my son, and still is to this day. His memory does not slip my mind at all, especially since I wake up to his ribbons, tags, and certificates every day. I always take a moment to touch his ribbons and stuff and talk to him in the mornings when I get up, and at night before I go to bed. That's about all I can bare to share at this moment.. and I didn't mean to steal your thread. Just sharing my experience, like you asked me to. I know the loss of a friend is hard to deal with and overcome, but in time, you do heal.. maybe not completely, but mostly. You live, you learn, and you move on. I know that no dog can ever replace Debo, but one day, there will be one to fill the void! His day is coming soon.. thanks to Holly! She's affording me the opportunity to let Snoop be a part of my family and be loved by myself and my children, and I vow to not let her down. I know I made a mistake with Debo, one that was crucial.. but I learned from that mistake and will NEVER make that mistake again! I have a passion for the dark coated dogs.. they're simply striking to me, although I don't choose a dog on color alone. But I've been in love with Snoop since Holly first posted up pix of the litter when they were little babies... and apparently, it was fate, or destiny, for him to be mine. *Thank you Holly! You don't know how much your trust means to me!*


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## pitbullmamanatl (Jun 1, 2010)

*A dog's purpose*

This story touched my heart and helped me get through the loss of my Sophie, Kangol's mom. Always cherish their memory, never mourn their death!:angel:

A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old)

by a veterinarian. .....

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the Family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The e next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.

Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, 'I know why.' Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.
*
He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life --like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' The six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'*


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## ThaLadyPit (Oct 12, 2008)

Yes, ma'am! I've read that before myself, and it is so true! I'm a firm believer in that! Thank you for sharing that.


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## Black Rabbit (Nov 14, 2009)

That's totally beautiful especially from a child. I really hope this can help others find peace.
I also love this poem and it always makes me feel better when I'm sad and missing Mack.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....


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## pitbullmamanatl (Jun 1, 2010)

Oh that poem always makes me cry Krystal! Actually, this whole thread has but its a mixture of happy tears and sadness.


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## Black Rabbit (Nov 14, 2009)

Yea me too. I've had tears in my eyes durring the whole thread


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## ThaLadyPit (Oct 12, 2008)

Shivers down my spine, and chill bumps on my arms. I, too, await the day, that I can depart.. this cold, lonely world.. in hopes to rejoin my beloved friend. I can't wait to hold him, and pet him, and scratch him behind his ears. He is the one that I'll always hold dear. He is my friend, my child that could never be. One day soon, it will be Debo and Me! 

Sorry.. had to throw that in there.. just a little quick something off the top of my head, lol. I love poetry, if you can't tell.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

Rondacker said:


> From your account, I believe that you were a great companion for the dogs too.
> I'm sure that they felt truly blessed to be yours..no forgiveness would be required..you did right by them, I'm sure they knew that..Dogs are great at picking up those things.
> 
> When you can, share your love/blessings with another. There are lots of dogs that would exist in a tough life if it were not for loving folks like you. Passing the love along would be a great tribute to Cuda and Jack.


Thank you so much. I want to believe I was a good owner, but it does seem that I wish had done this, or done that, better. I know that Cuda and Jack knew I loved them but I still wish I could have one more day with them to just make sure they know how much. But that's impossible, and that's hard to accept. I hope to be able to share that love with another pup in the future, but I have to find a way to make it right in my head. I even thought of a name for a future pup, CJ for Cuda and Jack, but I don't want to have a new pup ever live in their shadows. I would want him to have his own identity. Of course , I feel guilty for even entertaining the idea. It's weird.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

fishinrob said:


> We lost our 12 year old this February and have a 14 year old that you never know when she could go. The dogs are just like any family member to us. When we had to put Brandy down it was devestating to us , especially my wife. She had to get Anxiety pills to be able to function at work. I surprised her with a new pup the following week based on past experience with losses of my boyhood dogs. The gloom of the house disappeared almost immediately with a new spark of life. I forgot how energetic a new pup could be but it was worth it. My wife pulled out of her depression(she was against a new pup) within a week. There's no disrespect of your deceased dogs if you get another. It's been 4 months and now we love to come home and get greeted by our loving pup!!!! Instead of dwelling on past memories , create new ones.


Thanks for sharing. You are not in that much of a different situation than I was in. I could see Cuda and Jack getting older, but I would shove those thoughts out of my mind. Then boom, it happens, and I, like your wife, have had, and still have, depression and all that that entails. I have medication too but haven't taken it due to pride. A man isn't supposed to get emotional type thinking, I guess. That may change. I agree about creating new memories, but it's easier said than done, especially living alone. I am very sorry to hear about Brandy, but her story does give me hope.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

MY MIKADO said:


> Dealing with loss is a hard and different people go through it in different ways. My mom told me that if you truely love an animal be a dog or cat or whatever pet you choose you celebrate that ones life with getting another and loving the new one just as much as the other one. It isn't about replacing as you can not replace that special friend it is finding a way through the pain and remebering the one that is gone while celebrating a new life.
> 
> I have lost many good pets that is a down side to doing rescues. Mikado my first pitbull was only 6yrs old when I put him down I thought it was the end of the world. He was my heart dog. Montag my first dog that was truely mine died at age 16yrs. He was one fantastic dog the best a person could have. I think about him often. Then there was Maggie Bea. My yellow lab I had her for 11yrs but she was 19yrs old when she died a yr ago. What a sweet heart she was.


It's strange, but my mom talks the same way. She has been thru alot and I respect her advice because I know that she's seen it before. It's just now it has happened in my life and I selfishly don't think that anyone else has ever been in the state of mind that I'm in now. You really had some long years with your babies, but I know it still hurts. I'm sorry that Mikado is gone


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

BittersweetEmbrace said:


> I never got over the loss of Princess and Cocoa. I became less lively. My whole lifestyle changed to now i want to be alone 70% of the day.
> I just talked to the only one i knew i could come to. I miss them to this day and feel that it's my fault that they're gone. Now i spend my time endlessly working and on the computer. I cry everytime i think of the last night i slept on the floor with Princess. Sometimes i have to ask myself did she leave because i told her i would help her and i couldn't  I know that i'll get another dog in my life but my heart feels like it bleeds ink. I do believe, when i get another dog (if i ever do) i'll be a better person...but for now it's the same everyday. i'm sorry for your loss


I'm sorry for how things are for you after Princess' passing. You have described how I feel most of the time too. I mean the routine, the nurturing of my pups, everything, changed. It is the same way for 15 years and then all of the sudden, it's gone. The finality of it is what's so difficult for me. Now, it's like hard to imagine Cuda and Jack here and hard to imagine them gone. I'm stuck going thru the motions, and in the mean time another day passes by and their memories keep fading away. I'm sorry that I'm not helping you with my outlook and troubles, we are in the same boat.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

Pitcrew said:


> I still miss my Mikey sooooo much. It is difficult to do some things even after a year. It is hard for me to cradle another dogs face in my hands. I can love on them plenty and hug them up, but something about holding their face....Sounds crazy I know but true anyway.
> 
> He had such an intensity to his being that you couldn't miss his existence in a room if you were blindfolded and in a coma. His very aura demanded notice.
> 
> ...


Pitcrew, like Mikey, I've been without Cuda for a year and a half and Jack for about 8 months, and I still envision Cuda's face at the front window and Jack at the side window! There ain't nothing crazy about how you deal with a loss. I am having a hard time even after this long too. Coming home from work used to be the best part of my day, cause I got to screw around with my pups, my children, actually. Now, coming home is horrible. It's quiet, lifeless, and empty. It is the toughest part of my day, and the mornings aren't anything to write home about either. I hope you and I can eventually get a new pup and enjoy life again.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

Aximus Prime said:


> What happens when we loose a loved one? We remember the good memories of that person and fill the void they left with other family and friends as best we can. Same if you loose a dog....get another dog or 2 back in your life to fill that void! Sure no dog will ever be the ones you loose but life must go on!


This is where I want to be, I truly do, cause I know you're right.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

dixieland said:


> I'm sorry for your loss and the pain you're still experiencing Saint Frances.
> I know if I didn't have Pretty Girl then the loss of Suey would have been overpowering and numbing.
> But I just coped and moved on.I think I made myself be strong for Pretty Girl.Suey was Pretty girls daughter that we kept out of her litter.
> Pretty Girl knew that something was wrong went Suey took ill.She was always going and checking on her.And the morning that Suey passed it broke my heart watching Pretty Girl.She looked everywhere for her daughter.And she continued to look for a few days afterward.
> ...


Dixieland, Suey was and still is beautiful. When Cuda died, I too went on cause I had to be strong for Jack. For a few months though, it was so wierd. Jack would wonder where Cuda was in bed and when we walked along the sidewalk, he would not walk on the side Cuda walked. I was literally tripping over him till I realized that he didn't want to invade Cuda's turf. If I only knew that Jack himself was on borrowed time, and the little seed of cancer was growing in him, I would have tried not to be so distant during that period right after Cuda's death. I look back at that time and it seems so cloudy now. It's like I just buried one dog and now I am slowly watching my other baby get eaten away. Damn, it hurt.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

kg420 said:


> Yea me too. I've had tears in my eyes durring the whole thread


Me also, Krystal. These stories and poems have so much emotion and love in them, and what other's are going thru makes me so sad. I don't know if anyone can help me out of my situation but I deeply am gracious for the support. This stuff can overwhelm you and take you to a dark place quick but knowing that others feel the same way makes me feel less alone. Yet , you have to face it alone, that's why it is so hard I think.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

ThaLadyPit said:


> Christian, right (OP)!? I, too, feel your pain. Debo the beautiful boy in my signature was lost way too early. I flew to Alaska to pick him up at 9 wks old b/c it was too hot for the airlines to ship him to TX in August of 04. I raised him, trained him, and showed him, but first and foremost, loved him. I used to tell people he was the son I'd never have (b/c I've had all girls, lol). He carried himself like a human at times, lol. I lost him 1 month and 2 days after his 2nd birthday, to a heat stroke. I hadn't even lived in Georgia for a year when I lost him. I kept his collar, his tags, his ribbons, his CGC certificate and his ped/registration papers. His CGC and reg/ped are in frames, and his ribbons and tags hang on my wall above my bed, like someone would hang a rosary. I finally let go of the last memory of losing him by giving a friend in need his collar last summer before I moved to TN. I recently asked Nisse (BittersweetEmbrace) to do a drawing of him, and she did an awesome job, I'm just awaiting it's arrival at my door, lol.
> 
> I was walking Debo and his "aunt", Onyx (his grandmother is Onyx's mother), on the 6th of July '06... and it's my fault for not taking water, and underestimating the humidity-laiden heat in Georgia. We were walking along, and he was fine, until about 30-45 mins into the walk. Then he started stumbling and falling down, like his legs were weak. They had their morning meal, so I know it wasn't from lack of food. It didn't dawn on me at the moment that I didn't bring them any water, and two dark coated dogs (Debo was black brindle and Onyx a seal and white) can't do well in that type of heat w/out water. I decided to turn around and walk back home, but Debo could no longer stand up.. but he wasn't panting or anything. I checked him to make sure nothing had bitten him, b/c we had walked thru some tall grass in a field, taking a shortcut to avoid the hot pavement.. but I found no bite marks anywhere on him. So, at this point, I heaved his 65lb self up onto my shoulders, and still had Onyx on the leash at my side. She was fine, so I couldn't understand what was going on. I figured if he was sick, she would be too as I kept their crates side by side in my room. At this point, Debo began taking deep breaths, but couldn't quite catch it, and I could feel him slipping away.. I was patting him on his chest telling him to just hang on, we're almost home. He did hang on, til we got to the front porch.. and when I layed him down, he looked up at me... took one last deep breath, whined, and his eyes rolled back in his head, and he fell over on his side. I tried cooling him off by putting water on him and forcing him to drink water, but it was too late. Onyx was sniffing him and licking his face, and even she couldn't revive him. She just looked up at me with this sad face, and I can't get it outta my head to this day... the expression on her face was like, "Why does he have to go now!?" I cried and cried and cried. Onyx tried to comfort me by nuzzling up to me and licking my face, but I really think she just wanted the salty tears, lol. I know she meant well though. A dear friend of mine had to help me carry him to the back yard to bury him.. I couldn't even do it. He helped me out by digging the hole for me, and helped me lay him down in the hole, and handed me a shovel so we could both cover him up. We packed the dirt down good, and I found some wild flowers to place on his grave. We lined it with cinder blocks so we would always know where he was buried at. After we were done, he said a prayer in Spanish for Debo and myself, and left me and Onyx alone to grieve. I hit my knees by his new grave, and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Onyx laid down and just rested her head on his grave, and I swear I saw a tear in her eye as well! When my daughters came over that afternoon (my husband and I were newly separated, and my daughters were only allowed to visit at the time), my oldest one asked where Debo was, and I had to explain to her that he was gone. She asked if she could see his grave, and I told her yes, and she picked some wild flowers (weeds) on the way back there, and placed them on his grave alongside the ones I had put there. Then, what hit me the hardest came next. Mind you, she was only 4 yrs old at the time. She kneels down and says, "Debo, you were such a good boy, and so nice to me and sister, and mommy and daddy. I think Jesus should let you into heaven! I love you and I miss you already. Good boy, Debo" and pats his grave! At this point, I had no more tears left to cry, and I just knelt down beside my daughter and told her we'd say a prayer to make sure Debo got into heaven. She hugged my neck and told me everything would be okay, and that she was sure that Debo would go to heaven b/c he was such a good dog.
> 
> It still hurts when I think about these intimate moments, and my daughter is 7 yrs old now, and still talks about Debo from time to time. She remembers making him "birthday cakes" in the back yard and him following her every step, and pretending to eat the "cake" by nudging it around with his nose when she gave him the okay. I've tried to supress these memories, but can't help but think about them from time to time. I cherish the good times, like watching my daughters participate in his training and upbringing, and how he would interact with them. He would never chase them or run around them, even if they had his favorite toy! They could tell him "drop it" if he had a raw bone in his mouth and he would drop it and walk away! He would ride "shotgun" with me in my Jeep Gr. Cherokee, sit facing forward like a human, and occassionally reach over with his paw, and place it on my hand on the gearshift, and kinda pull at it. I'd scratch him behind his ear and tell him he was a good boy, and he'd go back to watching traffic as we drove. He never barked at strangers, and everyone was a friend to him. I take that back, he only barked once, and that was when I moved into the apartment we were in..I had a male roommate, and while I was outside walking them the first night, he had come home, and didn't have any lights on.. when we walked in the back door, Debo knew someone was there, but couldn't see him, so he let out this ferocious bark, scared me half to death! I turned the lights on so I could see what he was barking at, and when I saw my roommmate, Debo was fine. Debo was my son, and still is to this day. His memory does not slip my mind at all, especially since I wake up to his ribbons, tags, and certificates every day. I always take a moment to touch his ribbons and stuff and talk to him in the mornings when I get up, and at night before I go to bed. That's about all I can bare to share at this moment.. and I didn't mean to steal your thread. Just sharing my experience, like you asked me to. I know the loss of a friend is hard to deal with and overcome, but in time, you do heal.. maybe not completely, but mostly. You live, you learn, and you move on. I know that no dog can ever replace Debo, but one day, there will be one to fill the void! His day is coming soon.. thanks to Holly! She's affording me the opportunity to let Snoop be a part of my family and be loved by myself and my children, and I vow to not let her down. I know I made a mistake with Debo, one that was crucial.. but I learned from that mistake and will NEVER make that mistake again! I have a passion for the dark coated dogs.. they're simply striking to me, although I don't choose a dog on color alone. But I've been in love with Snoop since Holly first posted up pix of the litter when they were little babies... and apparently, it was fate, or destiny, for him to be mine. *Thank you Holly! You don't know how much your trust means to me!*


Bev, I appreciate your openess and can see that you still wrestle with Debo's loss. No, you aren't stealing my thread! You really poured your heart out and I pray that you don't hold yourself responsible for Debo's passing. That's ridiculous, I can tell by your story that you would give your life for him. I do understand the guilty feelings that come up though. I kiss each urn that Cuda and Jack are in every morning and night. I have pictures strategically placed thruout the house and have to say my little speech to them every morning. Your daughter's words and actions were precious. I think children look at things so clearly compared to all the emotions that we seem to be looking thru. I certainly want you to be happy when you get Snoop and I too look forward to seeing my two dogs someday. It won't be Heaven unless they are there, send me elsewhere. Oh, Onyx sounds awesome, is she OK? I hope so. Lastly, If I do get another pup soon he better plan on living for a long time or it will destroy me. I do worry about that. Maybe I lucked out with Cuda and Jack, ya know? It scares me. Thanks so much, Bev, it means alot to me that people are willing to listen to a guy get emotional over a couple of his kids. Being alone, I only get so much out of talking to the four walls


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## ThaLadyPit (Oct 12, 2008)

Saint Francis said:


> Bev, I appreciate your openess and can see that you still wrestle with Debo's loss. No, you aren't stealing my thread! You really poured your heart out and I pray that you don't hold yourself responsible for Debo's passing. That's ridiculous, I can tell by your story that you would give your life for him. I do understand the guilty feelings that come up though. I kiss each urn that Cuda and Jack are in every morning and night. I have pictures strategically placed thruout the house and have to say my little speech to them every morning. Your daughter's words and actions were precious. I think children look at things so clearly compared to all the emotions that we seem to be looking thru. I certainly want you to be happy when you get Snoop and I too look forward to seeing my two dogs someday. It won't be Heaven unless they are there, send me elsewhere. Oh, Onyx sounds awesome, is she OK? I hope so. Lastly, If I do get another pup soon he better plan on living for a long time or it will destroy me. I do worry about that. Maybe I lucked out with Cuda and Jack, ya know? It scares me. Thanks so much, Bev, it means alot to me that people are willing to listen to a guy get emotional over a couple of his kids. Being alone, I only get so much out of talking to the four walls


Well.. in all honesty. I don't have Onyx anymore. Last I knew, she was recovering at the vet clinic I used to work at. I was in an abusive relationship, and the guy tried to hit me one night while she was not crated, and she went for him. He kicked her in the ribs/stomach area, and I didn't know til I got her to the vet, that she had 2 broken ribs, and was bleeding internally. She had lost a significant amount of weight in just a few days, but was bloated as all get out. The vet kept her here to recover, and unfortunately b/c of his retarded butt (the guy I was with at the time), we both ended up in the county jail just a couple days after I got her checked in to the vet clinic. I was in jail for a month and a half, and they placed her in a new home w/someone who worked in Animal Control b/c they couldn't get ahold of me to come and get her!! I was livid.. but there was nothing I could do. So, her breeder has her listed as missing in Georgia b/c they (the vet clinic) wouldn't give me any information as to who she was placed with so that I could put them in touch with the breeder! I did, and still do love Debo dearly, and I appreciate your kind words, but I do hold myself responsible.

Onyx was a great dog, while I had her. She was the best squirrel/rat catcher I've ever had, and she was very vocal and would hold a conversation with me anyday. She, just like Debo, was so gentle and loving with my kids, and they were involved in every aspect of her training!

Yes, I agree.. children do see things very differently.. sometimes so much that they can even change our views on things! I know my daughter sure changed my way of thinking several times! I understand completely about talking to the walls, lol. I'm right there with you sometimes.. My old man don't understand why I talk to Debo (his medals).. but he's never had the same bond with dogs that I have, so it's ok. Just for you.. here's a couple pix of Debo and Onyx








my favorite shot of Onyx








2nd favorite shot








3rd favorite








Debo, Chenoá, my ex-husband, and Onyx on the floor at Debo's paw (Onyx was 8 wks old here)








Favorite shot of Debo (10mos old here)








2nd favorite of Debo








3rd favorite








On the grooming table after getting bathed, and his ears taped (approx 13 wks here)








Debo in all his cuteness at 7 wks old at the breeder's house.


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

Bev, you have left me speechless, well almost. What you have been thru as a dog owner and a person is incredible to say the least. I hope, sincerely, that you are able to move on with life with Snoop, and men in general. We are not all like that toward women, some of us actually love women. If you don't mind me saying so, for you to share that story took some real guts and I, along with EVERY forum member, am glad that you trusted us with some painful memories. I also hope that the SOB that abused you gets a BIG taste of his own medicine. Enough of that, this isn't about him. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not too damn crazy for being in hell without my pups. Like I said earlier, I'm just a lonely MOFO trying to understand how to keep my head on straight now. Finally, Debo and Onyx were/are absolutely gorgeous! I don't think I've ever seen such a deep brindle as in Debo and Onyx has a coat that's as smooth as a baby's bottom. You done good Bev, you done good. Take care friend.


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## HiKuality (Jun 24, 2010)

Unfortunately we all lose things we love most before it's our time to go. It never Really matters what people say to help us cope (even though kind words and good advice can make a bad situation a little better) we will only deal with our loss the way our hearts allow us to. In other words it will never get better, That is the only truth when it comes to emotions and situations such as this one.
Whats helps me is I don't look at it as if I Lost anything, sounds cold bit it's not. I look at it like Even if the details of how they smelt, felt, sounded, and even looked like have somewhat faded, I know that those details/memories happened!
and what Happened wasn't Death, it was Life that happened. 
I dont know if you understand what i'm saying but I have to say it because the only way you can ever feel good when thinking about them is when you smile at their lives instead of letting it break-you-down every time you turn around expecting to see them and they're not there. The only problem with that Is your heart will never let that happen, death is too strong. 
We can only Try to be Stronger and focus on the positive because It's only a matter of time before we feel this way again. Good luck I know you'll be fine


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## Saint Francis (Jun 2, 2010)

HiKuality said:


> Unfortunately we all lose things we love most before it's our time to go. It never Really matters what people say to help us cope (even though kind words and good advice can make a bad situation a little better) we will only deal with our loss the way our hearts allow us to. In other words it will never get better, That is the only truth when it comes to emotions and situations such as this one.
> Whats helps me is I don't look at it as if I Lost anything, sounds cold bit it's not. I look at it like Even if the details of how they smelt, felt, sounded, and even looked like have somewhat faded, I know that those details/memories happened!
> and what Happened wasn't Death, it was Life that happened.
> I dont know if you understand what i'm saying but I have to say it because the only way you can ever feel good when thinking about them is when you smile at their lives instead of letting it break-you-down every time you turn around expecting to see them and they're not there. The only problem with that Is your heart will never let that happen, death is too strong.
> We can only Try to be Stronger and focus on the positive because It's only a matter of time before we feel this way again. Good luck I know you'll be fine


I agree, getting over a loss is an individual thing. No one can be there at night, when you are at your worst. We all have to experience and deal with it alone, it may be the only real thing we do deal with singularly. Thanks for the words of encouragement, that means alot.


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## Gimbler (Jan 29, 2010)

This has been an interesting thread and I think it helps when you know you're not the only one who is experiencing grief and loss. When Rufus passed we got so many cards and flowers from friends and family in three different states that it looked like a person had passed on. It helped us and touched us to know that so many people cared about Rufus. He was a great dog.

But, I'm wondering St. Francis, if you and maybe one or two other posters might not benefit from professional grief counseling. Grief over a pet can be just as painful as grief over a family member and if you're truly having a difficult time putting things in perspective and moving past the most painful period in the process perhaps some one on one counseling could give you the tools you need to overcome the paralyzing effects.

I will always love and miss Rufus, but I can remember his life fondly now. Not every story or every memory has to make a loop through the "loss" emotion.


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## ThaLadyPit (Oct 12, 2008)

Saint Francis said:


> Bev, you have left me speechless, well almost. What you have been thru as a dog owner and a person is incredible to say the least. I hope, sincerely, that you are able to move on with life with Snoop, and men in general. We are not all like that toward women, some of us actually love women. If you don't mind me saying so, for you to share that story took some real guts and I, along with EVERY forum member, am glad that you trusted us with some painful memories. I also hope that the SOB that abused you gets a BIG taste of his own medicine. Enough of that, this isn't about him. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not too damn crazy for being in hell without my pups. Like I said earlier, I'm just a lonely MOFO trying to understand how to keep my head on straight now. Finally, Debo and Onyx were/are absolutely gorgeous! I don't think I've ever seen such a deep brindle as in Debo and Onyx has a coat that's as smooth as a baby's bottom. You done good Bev, you done good. Take care friend.


Thank you, again, Christian for your kind words. I am very much able, and have moved on with my life. I'm with a wonderful man who treats me like a woman should be treated. I don't mind sharing my stories or experiences as I know that someway, somehow, someone can benefit from it, as well as I do by talking about it. Its sort of a therapy for me to talk about it. Thank you for your compliments on my beloved babies. I did my best with them both, and that's all I could do. If the breeder I got them from was still breeding, she would have no problem placing another dog with me. She actually put me in contact with one of Onyx's littermate sisters' owner to see about getting a pup off a breeding they did, but I wasn't ready for another one at the time. I am still in touch with their breeder, as she's been a great comfort, and friend.. and has helped me learn so much more than I ever thought I could about this breed, long before coming to GP 2 yrs ago!! We're still very close, and she even offered to let me come and stay with her at her new home in NC after I got out of jail, but I declined b/c I didn't want to infringe on her, but we're that close, just to give you an idea! I can only hope that Holly and I become as close of friends as she and I did (I choose not to mention her name as she was a member of this board at one time, and is not active here anymore, and has had some issues in the past).


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