# Man Rules!!



## OldFortKennels (Mar 10, 2006)

The Man Rules******************* 
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down 

Finally , the guys' side of the sto! ry.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.) 
We always hear 'the rules' 
From the female side. 

Now here are the rules from the male side.

Please note.. These are all numbered '1' 
ON PURPOSE! 

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down..
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon 
Or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. 
Let us be clear on this one: 
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! 
Just say it!

1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. 
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. 

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done. 
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. 
Pumpkin i s also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong 
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, 
Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, 
absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really . 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
Or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. 

Pass this to as many men as you can -
To give them a laugh. 

Pass this to as many women as you can - 
To give them a bigger laugh.


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## blondie03044 (Aug 14, 2007)

lmao very funny lol


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## smokey_joe (Oct 14, 2005)

That's good stuff.


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## reddoggy (Jan 31, 2008)

I am so stealing this! Good thred!!!


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## hell no they wont go (Oct 4, 2007)

men these days..........


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## buzhunter (Sep 3, 2007)

hell no they wont go said:


> men these days..........


Yeah, we should all learn to be a little more sensitive. Just kidding


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## Taz (May 3, 2008)

I am so printing this up and putting it on the bathroom mirror tonight before i go to bed. I'll have to make a couple so i can do it every night for a week


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## ericschevy (Nov 10, 2006)

LMAO I am definitely going to be stealing this..lol This is great..:thumbsup: :thumbsup:


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## Midwest Bully (May 10, 2006)

*Well, if your going to leave the toilet seat up, you could at least wipe the pee of the rim.*


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## sw_df27 (Feb 16, 2007)

lol no doubt midwest............ anyway that was pretty funny


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## Midwest Bully (May 10, 2006)

*Oh, and i know you guys aren't mind readers, but a lot of things are just common sence but you still looks to us for answers*


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## NesOne (Feb 7, 2008)

I love #1, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. :goodpost:


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## MetalGirl30 (Apr 15, 2008)

LMAO.....
OHHH,, TIME TO HAVE FUN WITH THIS....

Hey I agree with the Sunday Sport rule.
I am a major football fanatic.. college and NFL.., Nascar, boxing, MMA. Golf just sucks so who cares about it!
i RULE BIG SCREEN t.v. ON sUNDAYS...LOL

Toilet seat thing....guys come on now. Do you know how bad it is to be half asleep and got to the bathroom only to fall in the toilet b/c it was left up....you guys would raise cane to.

Crying is not blackmailing...it is just smart thinking on our part!!!!!

We do ask....yall just do not listen half the time, so we have to constantly repeat ourselves!!!

We have shoes like most men have baseball caps!

Clothes...too many never!!! 

Round in shape.... is ok, just don't get mad if we comment about when your "twins" are due!!!

Commercials are not an option....guys watch them to!!!


Why ask what a man is thinking, statistics prove most of the time it is about sex anyways...lol!!!

Nothing wrong with scratching yourselves, but do you have to do it while walking down the aisle in the grocery store?

We girls no sympathy is not embedded in a guys D.N.A., but if you want to get lucky that night,,, you better learn...lol!!!


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## MetalGirl30 (Apr 15, 2008)

My hubby printed this and is going to put it up in the fabrication shop were he works. He thouhgt it was hilarious!


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## Carriana (May 13, 2008)

MetalGirl30 said:


> Commercials are not an option....guys watch them to!!!


SERIOUSLY! Nothing like getting shushed during a commercial... "SSHHH! I wanna see this!"

Please!


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## ericschevy (Nov 10, 2006)

Hey, I had to pick the toilet seat up to do my business, you should have to put it down to do yours.
Fair is fair...


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## Midwest Bully (May 10, 2006)

*This really making me giggle!* :roll:


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## Midwest Bully (May 10, 2006)

MetalGirl30 said:


> We girls no sympathy is not embedded in a guys D.N.A., but if you want to get lucky that night,,, you better learn...lol!!!


*Hell yeah! Then they'll be looking for sympathy from us because they aint gettin any!!! * :angeldevi


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## Marty (Dec 10, 2005)

May I add this?

*How to Make a Woman Happy*​_

_ 

_
_*It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A* * man only needs to be:*_
_ 
_*
**1. a friend
2. a companion**
**3. a lover
4. a brother**
**5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic**
*__*12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
*
 __
*44 compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50 . not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
**
**51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes*_
_*
**IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:**
**54. Never to forget:**
*** birthdays**
*** anniversaries**
*** arrangements she makes*_​
*HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring chicken wings 
* *3. Don't block the TV*

​
​


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## OldFortKennels (Mar 10, 2006)

Thats it, thats all we have do!!!! Easy...............................


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## Marty (Dec 10, 2005)

OldFortKennels said:


> Thats it, thats all we have do!!!! Easy...............................


Just had to share Andy :flush: LOL


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## buzhunter (Sep 3, 2007)

I'd say that just about sums it up.


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## NesOne (Feb 7, 2008)

buzhunter said:


> I'd say that just about sums it up.


I agree, however, I'm sure that someone will be able to add to the list....

Ladies, was anything missing?


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## Midwest Bully (May 10, 2006)

*Aren't we suppose to bring beer with the chicken wings??*


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## hell no they wont go (Oct 4, 2007)

MetalGirl30 said:


> Toilet seat thing....guys come on now. Do you know how bad it is to be half asleep and got to the bathroom only to fall in the toilet b/c it was left up....you guys would raise cane to.


TELL ME ABOUT IT!!!!!!


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## MetalGirl30 (Apr 15, 2008)

*GIRLS RULE,,,BOYS DROOL!!!

*


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## NesOne (Feb 7, 2008)

MetalGirl30 said:


> *GIRLS RULE,,,BOYS DROOL!!!
> 
> *


That's why I'm a man


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## sw_df27 (Feb 16, 2007)

lol yeah I have to agree with the toilet seat thing my god falling in asleep sucks and I'm a woman and beer and chicken wings during football season would make me happy too!


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## buzhunter (Sep 3, 2007)

Midwest Bully said:


> *Aren't we suppose to bring beer with the chicken wings??*


Couldn't hurt.:cheers:


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## NesOne (Feb 7, 2008)

buzhunter said:


> Couldn't hurt.:cheers:


Correct!!! because it would just be added to the current case of beer in the ice chest :thumbsup:


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## buzhunter (Sep 3, 2007)

True, and if you plan on drinking mine, you gotta bring some stock to rotate.


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## ericschevy (Nov 10, 2006)

hell no they wont go said:


> TELL ME ABOUT IT!!!!!!


Like I said, I have to pick it up to do my business you should have to put it down to do yours...Fairs fair..


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## smokey_joe (Oct 14, 2005)

I'm just happy when the boys hit the toilet. There seems to always be a houseful of guys here, and putting the seat down really don't bug me, but I hate to walk into my Mr. Cleaned bathroom to find pee droplets in the floor by the toilet. I also don't like having to wipe off the rim before I can put the seat down. I've went so far as to sit Joe's friends down to give them Potty Training 101. And when I fuss about it, they always blame it on the guy that just left. Men...


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## Midwest Bully (May 10, 2006)

ericschevy said:


> Like I said, I have to pick it up to do my business you should have to put it down to do yours...Fairs fair..


*Toilet seats wheren't made to be left up. If so, they wouldn't be there. Men choose to lift the toilet seat, you don't have to do it.... *


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## MetalGirl30 (Apr 15, 2008)

Midwest Bully said:


> *Toilet seats wheren't made to be left up. If so, they wouldn't be there. Men choose to lift the toilet seat, you don't have to do it.... *


THE HOLE IS TO SMALL TO HIT...lol!!!!


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## Midwest Bully (May 10, 2006)

MetalGirl30 said:


> THE HOLE IS TO SMALL TO HIT...lol!!!!


*They've been pee'n with them things their entire lives and they still can't figure out how to use them?? The hole is way bigger than a stream of pee ...lmao! :rofl: *


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## sw_df27 (Feb 16, 2007)

that's right they should learn how to aim better! lol


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## hell no they wont go (Oct 4, 2007)

i cant stand in the morning after a big party or just a few guys chilling at the house i wake up to empty beer cans EVERYWHERE and i need to step over passed out drunkards scattered on the ground and the x box 360 and tv still on full blast and some wossies couldnt finish the beer so now there are tilt over beer cans on the end tables and you can see the beer trickling slowly down on the carpet. and spilt food everywhere like popcorn.

thank god this doesnt happen too often but when it does it drives me crazy cuz guess who needs to clean it ME because the poor babies who made the mess cant clean it cuz they now have hangovers so i start cleaning only to hear heeey baby can you cook us some breakfast!!! this happens EVERY time there is a party or social event. so now when it happens i always wake up by myself knowing my bf is down stairs passed out on the couchwith the remaining house crashers so i tell onyx go get daddy! go play and he runs down stairs jumping all over everyone i know it works when i hear what the hell is the dog doing down here! and a bunch of men growning cuz onyx is wlaking right on top of them all prolly spazing out cuz he now has all these people to play with


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## ericschevy (Nov 10, 2006)

Midwest Bully said:


> *Toilet seats wheren't made to be left up. If so, they wouldn't be there. Men choose to lift the toilet seat, you don't have to do it.... *


You're right, there's a hinge on it for a reason..lol


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## hell no they wont go (Oct 4, 2007)

ericschevy said:


> You're right, there's a hinge on it for a reason..lol


yeah so you can clean the inside of toilet so it doesnt get all funky inside the toilet bowl shocker hugh somebody actually needs to clean it to make it stay looking good i wonder who is the one who does that in the relation ship...ladies?

i dont mind at all if guys need to lift the toilet seat up but it is annoying if at 1am u need to rush to use the bathroom and you sit down to only get a cold wet booty.

plus men dont act like the toilet seat is supposed to be up all the time for you unless thats how you like to take a  as well!


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## NesOne (Feb 7, 2008)

hell no they wont go said:


> plus men dont act like the toilet seat is supposed to be up all the time for you unless thats how you like to take a  as well!


Why don't women put the lid back down on top of the seat? That isn't meant to stay up either, or is it? I'd like to know how many times you ladies have gotten up late at night to use the bathroom and ended up sitting on top of the cover... compared to "falling in"


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## ericschevy (Nov 10, 2006)

LMAO..:rofl:


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## hell no they wont go (Oct 4, 2007)

i close the lid every now and then it doesnt seem so importaint for the lid to be closed but the toilet seat down is more reasonable. and yes on those late night emergency bathroom runs i have accidentaly sat on the lid as well but... i would rather just beable to sit on the toilet seat like your supposed to.

so tell me why men cant just make it easy and pee sitting down? is it that hard to tuck it? i mean who made it law that men stand up when peeing??


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## Carriana (May 13, 2008)

We have three cats, and if we don't leave the seat AND the lid down then we gets wet a$$es on matter what, since apparently, all the best drinking water is in the toilet (from the cats perspective, not mine). And they leave wet paw prints and water droplets everywhere. 

I get peeved when friends and family come over and leave the lid up. And yes, I have a husband and he is trained. He knows to put both down. 

Feel free to contact me ladies for hubby training tips


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## NesOne (Feb 7, 2008)

hell no they wont go said:


> so tell me why men cant just make it easy and pee sitting down? is it that hard to tuck it? i mean who made it law that men stand up when peeing??


You set that one up, so I'm going to say it... because if I tuck it, 'it' will get wet :angeldevi


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## Midwest Bully (May 10, 2006)

NesOne said:


> You set that one up, so I'm going to say it... because if I tuck it, 'it' will get wet :angeldevi


*LMFAO!!!!!!!!*


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## ericschevy (Nov 10, 2006)

hell no they wont go said:


> i close the lid every now and then it doesnt seem so importaint for the lid to be closed but the toilet seat down is more reasonable. and yes on those late night emergency bathroom runs i have accidentaly sat on the lid as well but... i would rather just beable to sit on the toilet seat like your supposed to.
> 
> so tell me why men cant just make it easy and pee sitting down? is it that hard to tuck it? i mean who made it law that men stand up when peeing??


Because that water is cold!! Burrr...lol


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## smokey_joe (Oct 14, 2005)

Oh, Puleeeeezzze!!!!!


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## buzhunter (Sep 3, 2007)

ericschevy said:


> Because that water is cold!! Burrr...lol


Yeah, and it's deep too!


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## NesOne (Feb 7, 2008)

buzhunter said:


> Yeah, and it's deep too!


LMAO, you must have some sort of industrial toilet then :rofl:


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## Taz (May 3, 2008)

i dont remeber waht country this is in but they go to the bathroom in a little whole in the floor. talk about having no problems with seats and missing cause no matter what you probably will. so just be happy you have a seat to put down or wipe off :flush:


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## Carriana (May 13, 2008)

Taz said:


> i dont remeber waht country this is in but they go to the bathroom in a little whole in the floor. talk about having no problems with seats and missing cause no matter what you probably will. so just be happy you have a seat to put down or wipe off :flush:


I believe that is Japan.


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## ericschevy (Nov 10, 2006)

Lmao....:d


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## hell no they wont go (Oct 4, 2007)

Carriana said:


> I believe that is Japan.


yeah but japan is like this extremely super high tech country i couldnt see thease people using a hole to use the bathroom with. japan has everything that is new and even have these new wierd looking energy efficiant cars no other country has acess to.


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## NesOne (Feb 7, 2008)

Or maybe it's China, I found this on google: http://www.amoymagic.com/dethroned.htm

_I love China, but I'm sometimes thrown for a loop by the most mundane things--like Chinese toilets. I was shocked then I learned they are little more than a white ceramic hole in the ground. "Where on earth do I sit?" I asked.

"You don't sit," Susan Marie explained carefully, as if I were one of her sons, and not her husband. "You plant your feet on the raised rectangular or shoe-shaped platforms and squat."

"You're kidding!" I valiantly gave it a go--and lost face when I fell on my face. When Sue saw that I could not squat flat-footed without holding on for dear life to a wall or pipe, she demanded,"_

Not to mention, that a Chinese friend of mine had stated once to me that they just use a "hole in the ground".

That would definitely solve all of our 'up or down' issues, HAHAHAHAHA. It would even get rid of the long times on the toilet reading a newspaper, magazine, novel, etc...


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## Taz (May 3, 2008)

NesOne said:


> That would definitely solve all of our 'up or down' issues, HAHAHAHAHA. It would even get rid of the long times on the toilet reading a newspaper, magazine, novel, etc...


especially at work thats where they would find me LOL


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## Carriana (May 13, 2008)

It's actually China and Japan. Old-school japanese toilets are called "squat toilets". But China has something similar. 

That'll give your a legs workout.!


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