# Starting over after a separation



## bahamutt99 (May 14, 2008)

I'm sitting here by myself while the Matrix folk and some of the dogs are out at a show this weekend. Was driving around today looking at apartments and such, really more as a diversion than anything else, and it led to this giant think-fest about what I really want to do with my life now that I'm morally single (still legally married, but hope to have that handled before the summer is gone). I know what I want to do, but not really sure how to go about it. I've spent the last year working, blowing money, fixing my car, and kind of just treading water from a financial standpoint. I have a tiny savings account, an even tinier IRA, bad credit, and more ideas than means to execute them.

I had originally thought that I would roast the husband for some spousal support and _make_ him have to help me as he never did when he first ran off. But the majority of my brain just wants to be done with him and forget the rest. $265 to file for divorce in Texas, and since he's not going to contest (probably wont even show), I can get 'er done and move on with my life. Everything I want from him I have in my posession. The only other thing I can think of is I'd like for him to assume the marital debts, but I don't think a court ruling will matter in the end when I'm trying to rebuild my credit, and I'd rather not go through the expense of hiring a lawyer to make it happen. So Idea Number One: get an easy and fast divorce. Kachow.

Idea number two. I graduated high school with crappy grades and never went further. I'd kind of like to go to community college so my future can hold more promise than a string of retail jobs. I'm a bit concerned that my interests fall into largely over-saturated markets: photography, journalism, graphic design. I've also thought of being a vet tech. But having passed the 30 mark this year, I'm frankly scared of going back to school. Nervous. Don't know how or where to start, or if I can afford it, or if I'll make the right choices once I get there. Lord knows I don't want to major in a field that will make me little more $$$ than I make now.

Idea number three. Been looking at these apartments like crazy, but the decent ones are about 50% of my net pay. Pet deposits would wipe out my savings and then some. Sad as it is for me to admit, I've never actually had a place of my own -- went from living with parents to moving in with the husband to splitting up and moving in with friends -- so the idea of moving into an apartment is satisfying from the realm of immediate gratification. But I have a unique opportunity right now to tough out my personal issues and put money back to buy a house, which is what I'd much rather do. Thinking about it, I have no idea how much I need to have for a reasonable down payment, or just how much my (mid 500s) credit is going to affect my ability to qualify for financing.

So. Adults. Please. I feel stunted by how I have lived thus far. Going from farting around at home to farting around as a housewife didn't leave me at all prepared for the world which I've been dropped into. I have steady work again, which has helped me out tremendously, and I'm anxious to try living as a productive, self-sustaining growed-up person. I want to have a kid someday, but I'd like to spend at least a few years on my own before I feel compelled to jump on the first guy that looks like Mr. Right because my friggin' biological clock is falling off the wall. LOL!

:rain::hammer:oke::snow:


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## American_Pit13 (Apr 23, 2007)

Oh man that is alot of how I felt when I left Fishs dad. Sadly I still have to deal with him since we have a child. 

I went from owning my house to where do I live now? What about my 5 dogs?

I just started working an rebuilding. Its a slow process, but it does come together if you put the effort into it.


Start with where to live, having your own place will feel great and give you some motivation do get thru the rest.


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## bahamutt99 (May 14, 2008)

I've been thinking about these foreclosure places, but I'm clueless as to whether or not it would be workable for me. I'd be happy with a little 1 or 2-bedroom house with some acres. Even a fixer-upper.


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## American_Pit13 (Apr 23, 2007)

Alot of those foreclosures are going for wicked cheap, and the banks need them sold BAD.


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## bahamutt99 (May 14, 2008)

I wonder if you have to have the money up front, or if you can apply for financing like a regular home purchase. We did an FHA loan on our home, which was lost when the hubby left. I don't think my credit is good enough for a conventional loan.


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## DueceAddicTed (Sep 28, 2009)

I agree with Holly starting with having your place feels great. Its yours and no one can tell you what to do in it. While your their getting situated I would think consider the next step schooling. YOU are never to old to learn something new or better yourself.
One step at a time, your at least putting thought into it and trying to set a plan.
Sorry your going through this, there a brighter days ahead for sure!! 

I agree on the divorce thing too just cut your ties/losses and set your self free from it.
The best revenge is to do well with your future .....


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## bluefamily (Aug 8, 2007)

the foreclosure idea sounds like a good one too. Sorry you're going thru this rough patch. I had my practice marriage too. Thanks be you aren't forever tied to him with kids (NOT that that is a bad thing --the kids bring more joy than the pain of the marriage- from what I hear) but at least you have only one way to go which is up. The rebuilding credit thing sucks (been there too). You'll do fine. My girl Hannah (who is now 11) was who got me through the rough spots and she still does. Your dogs will save your sanity and keep you going. Hang in there. would getting a diploma in companion animal services help as an idea? Welcome to the Companion Animal Sciences Institute something to think about anyway. Good luck. You are not alone in this one. A bunch of us have been in similar shoes.


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## bahamutt99 (May 14, 2008)

Something kinda interesting on cutting ties. When Lonney left, he took Priest with him and it did not end well. Priest is out of the picture now and I have the two girls and have been doing well with them. (2 new titles so far this year and hopefully more on the way.) I know that Lonney enjoyed the show thing, and that he has talked about getting another APBT to a mutual friend with whom I still keep contact. I find myself wondering if we're ever going to be showing against each other in the future. That could be interesting.

Bluefamily, posted at the same time.  I'm not really in too much of a rough patch as far as day-to-day living. I'm 99% over any emotional ties to the husband, the remaining 1% hanging on because there hasn't been any closure yet. Its been a year since we've spoken to each other. I am fairly enjoying my life, its just tricky living with people. I've never done it before, so its been a bit of culture shock to me. My main struggle on a mental level is I want to move forward, get out, date, buy a house, and I want all that _*right now*_. But there's still cleaning up to do...

ETA ETA: CASI sounds interesting. Not too sure about listening to Sue Sternberg as an "expert," but hey. LOL


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## bluefamily (Aug 8, 2007)

At least you are moving right along...when I started dating my current husband (after he dated my girl Hanna--1/2 pit 1/2 gsd) he told me I had too much "man hate" baggage, so he quit. But we started up again about a year later.
I know you want it all NOW but my grandfather always said "Something worth havingis worth working hard for". I just didn't kow how hard he meant becauese I'm still working my fanny off LOL


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## CINCINNATIBULLIES (Jan 15, 2009)

just a little insider news on real estate. check the most recent estate sales. you can find the daily obituaries at your court house. if the person that died has no known kin the property will be for sale to the first bidder to inquire. i got buddies getting real estate all over the country this way. got a friend in denver just got 4 houses for $26,000 and i would trade my $100,000 apt building for one of these places they are nice.


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## Sydney (Aug 14, 2007)

Good luck to you...it does get better! I have spent the last two years just trying to hang on, and the last year things started turning around for me, so I feel for you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and just think of all the possibilities that are now open to you!


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## Nizmo (Jan 15, 2009)

yeah as a vet tech you dont make much. but im ok with that, as i love what i do. im still thinking of going to veterinary school. but im not sure we can financially do that right now. :/

i hope everything works out good for you.
i'll tell nismo and tiva to cross there paws


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## meganc66 (Mar 6, 2009)

That's definitely got to be hard. If I was you I would stay where I am for the moment and keep saving up money, get my divorce finalized and everything from that behind me, then look into buying a house. Homes are cheaaappp nowadays and if you just want a little house, you can get em super cheap. im not sure about your area, but there are some AMAZING deals in my area that i wish i could take advantage of. Sadly, we bought our house almost 2 years ago and things weren't so bad at that point, if we woulda waited we coulda gotten something bigger and better, but that's the way you learn. Just take things one at a time. I never knew what I wanted my career to be and my mom forced me into going to college for a semester and it was awful. i was always a straight A's kinda girl but working full time where i wanted to be and going to school full time where i didn't want to be, as well as moving into a new home at the same time really made things suffer. I flunked out of the semester of college I took, lucky for me it was free cuz of a lil scholarship i had. Just make sure you take things one at a time and don't let yourself get overwhelmed!


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## bahamutt99 (May 14, 2008)

Lubbock is dirt-cheap compared to some areas, so I'm not worried too hard about leaving here. I really liked Santa Fe, but it was something like 80% higher on the housing market. I'll take flat and cheap. LOL!


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## 9361 (Jun 25, 2009)

Lindsay here is something to think about.... in Oklahoma nearly all of the vet techs I know of were trained on the job. You might talk to some clinics to see if they offer that sort of thing. And good luck to you!


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## Nizmo (Jan 15, 2009)

Shes Got Heart said:


> Lindsay here is something to think about.... in Oklahoma nearly all of the vet techs I know of were trained on the job. You might talk to some clinics to see if they offer that sort of thing. And good luck to you!


a lot of people i work with did that too.
the thing is you wont start out at something that can support much. the thing about graduating from school is you are usually started out at 5 bucks more than you would normally depending on your experience.


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## Carriana (May 13, 2008)

I had a similar mentality about going back to school. I am nearing 30 and couldn't fathom going back to school until my bosses told me that I am getting dangerously close to getting as far in my career as I can without having a degree. I always planned on going to school but met my husband when I was young (19) and then a whole lot of life happened in my early 20s and it was just never in the cards for me. Now I am planning on starting school in the fall at the tender age of 29 and I am excited and scared at the same time but I cannot wait to see what comes of it. I don't think going back to school is ever a bad decision. 

Check out grants.gov to see if there are any grants you might qualify for (if I figure out how to interpret grant lingo I will let you know! lol). 

As for moving on post-humously from your marriage, well he sounds like a jerk and as cliche as it may sound you're most definitely better off without him!


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## Indigo Bully Connection (Dec 21, 2006)

bahamutt99 said:


> I wonder if you have to have the money up front, or if you can apply for financing like a regular home purchase. We did an FHA loan on our home, which was lost when the hubby left. I don't think my credit is good enough for a conventional loan.


Banks are pricing these homes at fair market pricing these days. I price them for a living for banks. They look at the immedaite surrounding areas and find comparable homes in condition, size, and age and fenangle some numbers to come up with the price based off of extras (carports, pools, ect.) You do not need to have cash to buy a foreclosure, but if you are going to be financed you should be aware that most banks will not make lender required repairs because they are being sold as-is where-is.

That home you had that was lost... how long ago was it? 3 years or more? if so, you are once again considered a "first time home buyer" and will qualify for another FHA loan. Also, you should look into all of the incentives that are being offered for first time home buyers... like here in florida, Doug and I were financed FHA, but also, the state of Florida gave us bond money... 25,000 in bond money to go towards closing costs and down payment. When shopping for loans, keep in mind not all lenders are equal with the variety or lack there of in services they offer.


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## bahamutt99 (May 14, 2008)

I don't know when the house technically went into foreclosure. I left in Feb '09 and it was 3 months in arears. When I went back in Dec '09 you could tell someone had been in there to winterize the place, although it was still full of the stuff we left behind. But no, it hasn't been 3 years yet. Although by the time I save as much as I'd like to save, it may be.


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